ken barber Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Part 2 1. Take the sentence you wrote in Part 1 and rewrite it using only 10 words. 2. Rewrite the sentence using 50 words but do your best to not use adjective already used in the 100 word version 3. Rewrite it using only five words. Good Luck. The point of this exercise is to see the difference between over verbose sentences and sentences that are two short and lack depth. Once you are done give us your feedback on this type of exercise. Anyone have a writing exercise they want to share? ChrisTheBlizzard and D'Artagnon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken barber Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 1. A farmer rises in the morning, to feed the animals. 2 A dedicated farmer will always wake early in the morning, even before the sun crest over the distant horizon in most cases, to ensure all the feed is properly distributed to the farm's animals, as well as makes sure the eggs are gathered and the milk is collected from cows. 3. Farmers rise in the morning. Mark C., ChrisTheBlizzard and D'Artagnon 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisTheBlizzard Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Misty eyes observed the sun set beyond the ocean's end. With the end of the day began the sun's final concert of colors dancing and glittering on the ocean's surface, reflected on the long-haired girl's solemn features as a single tear escaped its overflowing confines to make its way down her cheek, following a path undisturbed by the sea's breath. Crying, she regarded the sunset. Mark C., D'Artagnon and ken barber 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Schaeffer Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Original: As the sun completed its beautiful setting that evening, the sky a myriad of pinks, purples, and blues, I was struck once again by the awesome power such a simple every-day occurrence wielded over my mood as the traumatic events of the last 24 hours faded behind the blazing horizon and the memory of Colin’s gentle kiss brushing like a breeze against my lips, his passionate desire for me unmistakable, if the feel of him against my thigh was any indication I could trust, all the while his determination to allow me to take things slowly winning the battle over his own raging hormones. 10 Words: My mood lifted greatly when Colin gently kissed my lips. 50 Words: The sun set in a blaze of color, and together with Colin’s feathery whisper of a kiss on my lips and the hardness of him pressed against me as evidence of his passion, they lifted my depressed spirits dampened earlier by a day’s worth of unfortunate events beyond our control. 5 Words: Colin’s kiss lifted my mood. D'Artagnon, ken barber and Mark C. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zergrinch Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Original (100 words) The harsh wind howls through the devastated dwarven settlement of Gast, mercilessly scattering dust and leaves past the unmoving half-elf lying in a pool of blood, the body showing signs of massive damage: a dozen arrows sticking out from his chest, back, and thighs, his mangled hands missing a few fingers from an axe strike, his bare feet still smoldering from a Fireball spell, loops of grayish-purple intestines spilling out from a gaping sword wound on his abdomen, both eyes gouged out by a dagger, vocal cords ripped out of the throat, and stiff lips frozen with his final song. Succint (10 words) A half-elf's brutally-wounded body lies in the ruined Dwarf city. Shorter (50 words) In the ruined city of Gast, a badly-mangled half-elf bard lies still on the ground: his body riddled with arrows, a few fingers missing from his hands, his feet badly burnt, his internal organs spilling out from his opened belly, both of his eyes missing, and his throat ripped apart. Too Short (5 words) Mutilated half-elf bard in Gast! Easy peasy. The 100 word sentence took me 5x the time to write! ken barber, A.B, Mark C. and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Schaeffer Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 I loved these two exercises. They were a challenge. I was surprised that the 5 word sentence was the easiest for me. The hardest by far was taking 100 down to 50. That was tough! ken barber, Mark C. and D'Artagnon 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken barber Posted February 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 I wonder if taking the 100 down to 50 was the hardest because its tough to let go of some of the words we wrote. Kind of good excerise to remember that sometimes we have to cut it down a bit. D'Artagnon, Mark C. and ChrisTheBlizzard 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Schaeffer Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 But I like everything I write....grin. Why would I want to cut it down? ken barber, ChrisTheBlizzard and D'Artagnon 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zergrinch Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Seeing as how the majority of my 100 word sentence was nothing more than descriptive gore porn, for some reason I had no problems whatsoever cutting it down to size. But I will admit really that if that were a more serious sentence, I will have great difficulty in pruning my own words. ken barber and D'Artagnon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark C. Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Good exercise, Ken! Thanks! ken barber and D'Artagnon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rilbur Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 1 and 3 are easy. Number 2 is going to be a strain. ken barber and D'Artagnon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benji Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Original: Eyes the color of sapphires, hair the color of blood and armor of gold glinting in the sunlight, the young lean man stood on the hilltop squinting against the sun his bow he had drawn taught as he scanned the valley below for a target unknown but there a deer wandering aimlessly only to become tonights dinner yet what fate lay ahead few could forsee as the day yet held much mischief but the man, not thinking of the future, let loose the arrow and secured his meal with a loud thud that echoed off the walls of the canyon. 10 Words: The hungry young man pulled his bow and released thwack! 50 words: Scanning the valley floor, thinking about one thing as his family needed food and that almost certainly meant that something had to die to feed them but it was a cruel fact of existence that one must kill to eat he knew it even as he drew the bow back. 5 words: A man shot a deer. D'Artagnon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D'Artagnon Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Original Exercise - 100 words. For context, you must speak it with the hysterics and accent of Whilst languishing in my bath late last Saturday afternoon, dreaming of football glory in the forthcoming Super Bowl, a drink in my hand and soft music playing in the darkened, candle lit chamber, I had a madly confusing, difficult to believe image appear in my wandering mind: a boy standing on a beach, dressed in billowing swim trunks, his hair flowing out in ribbons of gold, touched by the sun and glowing in early dawn's light with a sureness to his stride, walking towards the water like a young ocean demi-god returning home after a battle fought in distant lands.. Follow ups - 10 Words Bathing last Saturday, I dreamt of a blonde surfer boy. Follow ups - 50 Words He stood still, poised, wind blown hair and brown skin kissed by the sun. Oh, how I could see him with my mind's eye as my body languished in the cooling soapiness of Saturday's pre-game ablutions. If only I were there, or he here, and time no longer a factor. Follow ups - 5 Words Surfer dominates my bathing thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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