Butterfly Wings- a poem

[Jeikor]

   A child's faith is fragile

as butterfly wings.

   It will lose its strength

when a red wasp stings.

   So remember all your promises

for a child will, too.

   And whatever you have promised

be sure, that is what you do.

   Be not the red wasp

that causes faith to die;

   But keep safe the butterfly

and lift it to the sky.

 

JVM

[Ricky]

Nicely done. And so true.

[Zergrinch]

     Though frail and easily sundered

As the wings of butterflies

     There's nothing quite as powerful

When fervid faith arises

     Your prose speaks but the truth

Safeguard that faith from harm.

     A simple flap of butterfly wings

Can stir up quite a storm.

[Jeikor]

Nicely done. And so true.

Thank you! This was written when I was working at a daycare and dealing with a child that had been abused. Luckily his was discovered early and not much happened.

[Jeikor]

     Though frail and easily sundered

As the wings of butterflies

     There's nothing quite as powerful

When fervid faith arises

     Your prose speaks but the truth

Safeguard that faith from harm.

     A simple flap of butterfly wings

Can stir up quite a storm.

Very nice, zerg! Still don't understand how you think you have no creativity.

[Zergrinch]

I can't write dialogue to save my life.  And I also have a phobia with using the word "said", it seems  

 

For example, look at some of my character's dialogue.  He's a 16-year old who, due to ongoing memory enchantment, has the mental maturity of someone who is younger.  But the choice of words I use can be wholly inappropriate for his comprehension level

[Ricky]

I can't write dialogue to save my life.  And I also have a phobia with using the word "said", it seems

 

For example, look at some of my character's dialogue.  He's a 16-year old who, due to ongoing memory enchantment, has the mental maturity of someone who is younger.  But the choice of words I use can be wholly inappropriate for his comprehension level

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. That is a really difficult thing to do. Especially when there is no definitive age for the youngster and his vocabulary. SO it would be natural to talk to his chronological age or even above it. That would be normal. The difficult part would be in your proof reading, recognizing it and adding a puzzled or blank look and then explaining it to his level. Doing it that way would draw emphasis to his diminished capacity. Thus building a stronger character.

 

That would be a very difficult character to write consistently for even the most seasoned author. The fact that you spotted it means you can rework it. Writing is a growth activity. The more you do it the better you get. If you look at mine you can see a vast difference from when I started to what I write now. I feel no shame or embarrassment over my earlier works. They were still good stories even if they could be much better written. I write because I love to tell stories that move people's emotions and give them hope. I write because I love to create a person and give them life and then tell their stories. Am I even close to proficient? Not even close. It's enjoyable and a meaningful escape. I'm not judged by it. The story may stand in judgement, but not the author.

 

If writing is something you enjoy doing then "do it". Comments are nice, especially when someone is touched by something I wrote, but I write for me first, the readers second. I've only had one hate comment and that was over the loss in one of my stories. I didn't plan it it just sorta happened. But I explained it and they either read on or didn't, I don't know. But I learned that not everybody will like what I've written. For many it has too much sex, for others, not enough. I write for me. Others likes or dislikes are superfluous.

[Shayn059]

Zergrich, I agree. if writing is something you love, just writing whats in your heart. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Write what you like.