Life's "Forks"

[Mark C.]

Do you have a point in your life where you faced a "fork" in the road? Do you now wish you had chosen the other fork or at least wondered what would have happened if you did?

I have two forks.... One is after returning from teaching science in the Virgin Islands, we moved to western WA (Seatte area) and I could not find a teaching job due to a "Boeing recession" in 1980. Instead of moving to conservative eastern WA, where back then I knew a gay teacher would be an issue, I decided to change careers. It was a choice between computer programming and library science with the goal to be a Head Librarian. I chose the computer route and have not regretted it but I think I would have been more fulfilled career wise, if I had gone into library science.

The second fork was several years after my first fork and there was a small "mom and pop" chocolate store near us. They made all their candy by hand and often (I am a chocoloholic, grin...) I would go in and they would be hand dipping candy or tempering chocolate or stirring huge copper kettles. One day I decided I would like to ask them if I could volunteer on weekends, if they would teach me the trade. My partner was agreeable and the next time I went in... They greeted me with, "The building has been sold and we are retiring." Man, I was disappointed. I often wonder what would have happened.... Would you all be eating my chocolates now, grin.....

What are your forks?

[Mark C.]

Ok, this thread crashed and burned .... Can we get the cyber garbage man to haul it to the dump?

[Zach Caldwell]

No need to get rid of the topic. It is a personal question and some folks may not be quick to answer and may want to get more comfortable with the Castle family before sharing.

 

We all have forks in the road situation in our lives, some more than others. I would say that sometimes you do not get to choose the fork to take, life decides it for you. For me, since I was 7 years old, I was working towards being a police officer. 17 years old, I learned I was going blind, my dream of being a police officer died and the course of my life forever changed. Ended up going into Psychology and community management.

 

For a time, I worked in a bookstore in Destin, Florida, at the Silver Sand's Mall, called Publisher's Warehouse. I was the third key supervisor. An assistant assistant manager of sorts. Part way into working the store, my grandmother had a stroke and my mother moved to Tennessee to take care of her. It started taking a toll on my mom. Thus the next fork in my life. I started thinking about moving to help take care of my grandmother and to give mom a break. At about the same time I was approached by the store manager, about taking over as Store Manager for the Fort Walton Beach store. It was a case of bad timing. I wanted to jump at being the store manager but I had and felt a greater responsibility to my mom and grandmother. I declined the offer and moved to Tennessee to help take care of my grandmother.

 

As it turned out, I moved and got to spend several months with my grandmother before she passed away a week before christmas. Also learned that the entire corporation of Publisher's Warehouse went out of business about a year after I left. That fork, was by far my best fork, I got to spend time with my grandmother before she passed and I was not left in Florida in a job that I would of loss soon after being promoted. 

[Mark C.]

Zach, in this case your fork works out... Glad for you.... Ummmm, if I may ask, how is your sight? And if a sensitive subject, just don't answer. No offense here, Zach.

[Zach Caldwell]

Mark, it is not a sensitive issue for me. Anyone who has or is dealing with an issue of disability, if they have accepted the situation and come to terms with it, will not find the issue a sensitive one. Those who do find it a sensitive issue, are the individuals who are still dealing with the issue, in many ways dealing with a disability is similar to dealing with a loss of a spouse or family member. You have to go through a process, and like grieving, sometimes people can get stuck in that process.

 

As for my vision. Person with normal vision has 180 degrees field of vision. At present I have about 5 degrees field of vision. So I pretty much see everything that is directing in front of me. My central vision, is 20/40. So with glasses I function pretty well. There are times and instances where I have to increase font type and size and color to make things easier and less stressful on my eyes.

 

With Retinitis Pigmentosa, most people have totally lost their vision by the time they are in their 30's. There is a small group who can maintain their vision beyond 30 and there is a smaller group that is able to maintain some level of vision throughout their life. Thus far it appears I am in the much smaller group. My vision has been stable for the past 10+ years now. The feeling is that I could very well maintain my current vision level for the rest of my life. That is based on the fact that my vision has remained stabled and unchanged for a long period of time. I turn 40 this March, by most standards I should of been totally blind by the time I was 30.

 

Some people, when they interact with someone with a disability, feel on edge or somehow think it is inappropriate to ask questions. In some circumstances discretion is appropriate it. But generally speaking, I find the logic flawed. No is never going to learn and or grow if they are not willing to ask questions. Questions lead to answers and greater understanding which in turn leads to greater acceptance. So do not be afraid to ask any questions about my vision.

[ken barber]

Zach Is pretty open about his vision and that has actually helped me a lot. When I create emails or graphics for Castle Roland I try really hard to keep Zach and a couple others in mind. The changes I make never seem to be a problem for those without vision difficulties so for me its logical to do it.

 

Forks in the road.

 

Many many times I have come across a fork and many times I think back to what would have happened had I taken the other road. I live my life with a no regrets policy but sometimes you just cant help but wonder what if. 

 

Some day very soon I will share some of the most significant forks in my life's road.

[Mark C.]

Ken, I agree with you about the no regrets... Can't do that or you will be unhappy. But I, too, wonder what would have happened, if....

I get the impression you have led an interesting life and whatever you wish to share, either here or by e-mail, is bound to be interesting.

[ken barber]

Interesting Life? well it could be called that, once, now its boring steady career single spend my free time chatting on skype and a forum with people I have never met, or writing stories. When did I become a nerd?

[Mark C.]

But you make a lovable need, grin.... And do not sell yourself short, Ken....

[Mark C.]

Oops, spell check changed 'need' to 'need'... In above post, sigh....

[Mark C.]

Ahhhhh, it should be 'nerd', not need, grin.. Technology is great except when it isn't!

[Wolfhighlander]

I've thought about commenting on this thread for a few days.  There have been several forks in the road for me and occasionally I reflect on them, wondering where the other direction would have taken me had I chosen it.  I'll share the earliest fork that I remember for now and maybe some others later.  It was when I was about 6 and my brother was 5.  My Dad and Mom had been divorced for about 3 or 4 years and we were living out in Rubidoux near Riverside.  My Dad had apparently been seeing this lady who lived in Hemet.  Well he wanted us to spend some time with her to get to know her, so he dropped us off at her house over a weekend. 

 

I don't remember a lot about the weekend, but I do remember him picking us up on Sunday evening and driving us home.  My brother and I were in the back seat and my Dad asked us what we thought of her.  The reason he wanted us to get to know her was because he wanted to marry her and have her be our  mother.  At this point in my life, We had no contact with our real Mom.  In fact I don't think we thought much about it, because I don't think we remembered much about her.  The earliest memory I have of a female in my life was our housekeeper/babysitter/nanny, Francesca when we lived in Norwalk.  I was probably 4 at that time when she lived with us.  I found out the reason why we had no contact with our mom much later in life, long after my brother and I had reestablished contact with her, but that's another story.

 

Anyway on the drive home, he asked us if it was okay if he married her.  As I said, I don't remember exactly what happened during that weekend, but I remember how I felt about her on that drive home and it was not positive.  I've always remembered not liking her.  Why, I don't remember, but something about that weekend spent with her made me not like her.  Maybe subconciously I remembered my real Mom and didn't want a replacement.  I think that if I had said, I didn't want him to marry her, I think he would have ended it and not married her.  There was something about how he sounded when he asked that question that has always led me to believe that.  We said yes instead of no, and they were married a short time later in October.  October 2nd in fact and we moved to Hemet.

 

Sometimes I've wondered what would have happened if we had said No.  Would it have been better or worse.  Growing up, I sometimes wished we would have said no.  There was even a time once when they had had a big fight and my Dad came to the room my brother and I shared and told us to pack some things, we were leaving.  I remember being elated about that and readily started packing some things.  My brother and I went to my grandparents for a few days but my Dad and his wife sorted it out.  We weren't real happy to go back, but we did. If we had said No back when he asked us if it was okay for him to marry her, then that would have meant that I would not have my half brother in my life, and that would have been regretful.

[Mark C.]

Eric, thank you for sharing. Children do not have extensive experience with emotions, especially in a complicated adult world and parents need to be careful not to put children in a position where it may cause issues later.

[Benji]

Forks, huh... Looking back over my lifetime, they seem too numerous to possibly count. So, I'll outline the bigger ones.

 

At the end of 2006, I had started school in Denver Colorado. I was going to a place called Denver Automotive and Diesel College (DADC for short) They're a Denver branch of Lincoln Tech and have since changed their name oficially to Lincoln Tech Denver or something like that. Anyhow, in late December to early January, just shortly after getting back from visiting my parents for Christmas vacation I had an altercation with one of the three guys who was living in the 2 bedroom apartment with me.

 

They thought I was lazy and I wasn't doing enough. I was, still am lazy... But I was holding up my end of rent through generous contributions from my family. Truth be told, I was ill equipped to go job hunting or to contribute financially to anything as I didn't have a drivers liscence or a vehicle. Things that were much more important than I realized. Our confrontation got physical, and I decided to call the parents and tell them to take me home. I wanted nothing else to do with this place.

 

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I had just gotten a different apartment and lived by myself somewhere closer to campus. I could have gotten my automotive degree and ASE certifications.

 

The other major fork happened in February of 2008. I had to decide whether or not to get on a plane knowing I would be leaving my family for a new life in Florida. Well, here I am. Sometimes I wonder what I would be doing now if I hadn't, but given the same choice again I would come here every time. While life hasn't always been easy or fun since moving it has been worth it.

[Mark C.]

Benji, I understand the plane decision. Very early in our relationship, we had the chance to get on a yacht and sail to Puerto Rico from Florida where we had been living. Gary's boss was starting a new business. But it was a big step for us and as we sailed out of sight of Florida and night fell, I wondered if we had made a big mistake. The business did not work out and we bailed out and lived on St. Thomas for three years before heading back to the mainland. Had an interesting time there and not sorry we did it.