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  • 2 years later...
Posted

hey joe,

very moving and nice story. its really nice to read how this family bonds and stays together as one.
only i have some notes.

sometimes it happens that you mix up the names. it occurs that you speak of Peter does this or that while Peter waits for David. But you meant David is doing this or that while Peter waiting.
That happens on some places with different names.

And then, in Chapter 17 i just found a story error:
William is naked already, tossed his briefs aside and hang it on the bedpost.
And then in the bathroom he disrobes again after making the other 3 boys naked. It's like the scene cut errors in movies :)

thx for your stories (centennial was very heart touching and moving too, very thrilling with not only one time to feel the urge to kill someone :) )

Darian Fey

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