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Riding Lessons and Lessons Learned


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[Special Note: The new website is now live. As a result the links throughout this thread are invalid except for the latest posting to the thread. All of Andrew Todd's stories can now be found at Andrew Todd]
I read Riding lessons and i love the story. I as never god at given stories reviews so just lets say that i love it all, the story the chars everything.
I just finished reading Lessons Learned a few moments ago, it was one of the most difficult stories that a ever read.
This weak is not being very god, and the hard part of the story was the chapters dealing whit Dylan and Danny depressions.
It is hard to talk about it but i NEED it perhaps it will give some release.
The analytic part of my brain knows that i have been living almost all my live in depression.
I had to stop reading the story some times and call to my bed and just cry.
I think my depression started when i begin to release that i was gay some thirty odd years ago, a 12/13 years old boy whit nobody to talk about those estrange new feelings, confusing feelings. I spend the next 30 years trying to be what i was not and hiding what i was.
I was a scrawny little boy whit asthmatic bronchitis and had to take steroids coupled whit a depression that makes me clean out the fridge every times it hits so i become a short fat man.
That made my depression worst.
Never gone and see a doctor about it but i know i have an suicidal depression, i think about it 2 to 3 time a weak some time more, i fight it hard and only one time i was near it.
I was 32 years old and alone, it was an Friday night it was almost 23h00 and i was still working alone depression hits hard, i start crying and could not stop so i got on my car and drive to a cliff on a near by beach, my intentions was to jump, i cry all the way there, but when i got there a could not make myself jump.
Many things change that night i accepted u i was and for some years i was better, but as with all things live can be a bitch, i lost my job almost 5 years ago, and lose my independence.
Now depression is coming back whit a vengeance, some days i am better others i am worst.
Normally i do not talk about this, i just bottle my emotions and try to live one day at a time, but reading this story made me want to write this.
Sorry about the jumble of sentences and lack of coherence on my post but my brain it is not working at 100% today.
Edited by Zach Caldwell
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