CLOSED: A new adventure abounds

[boys in the hood]

I am a boy with a big problem.  My life just ended in the gutter of sorts when my parents were killed in a auto accident.  I am now being shipped to my uncle's place as he is my only family member that will take me.   He lives in Florida. Well in Orlando to be exact.  I live in L.A and have to uproot to a new state and leaving all of my friends in L.A.  

 

 

 

Oh, my name is Rodger and I am 12 years old going on 13.  My parents were  heading out with friends to a local hotel for dinner when the 

accident happened on highway 21. They were hit by a big rig that got out of control hitting their car side on. and killing everyone inside.

So now I am packing my bags and my best friend's mom is taking me to the airport to fly to Orlando to meet my uncle. "Rodger,

please remember me, I will sure miss you."Wally said handing me my carry on bag out of the car.

 

 

 

"I will Wally, we can always Skype one another from time to time."I replied giving him a hug.  I went to the ticket counter and handing

over my dad's info so that I could get my ticket on airways flight 211 to Orlando.  I was sad to leave L.A and all my friends as I had

a lot of fun hanging out with them all in cub-scouts.  Now I was standing by the exit ready to board the plane. 

"Good luck Rodger, we will keep in touch."Wally's mom said as I started to enter the long tunnel that connected to the plane. 

I waved to my best friend with tears running down my face and quickly wiped them away as soon as I entered the plane.

 

 

 

Four hours later I arrived in Orlando airport and waited for my uncle to come and grab me.  "Hey there Rodger, long time

seeing you."My uncle said after giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  "Thanks Uncle Ted,"I replied seeing him again 

in 2 years. "Sorry we could not come to the funeral son, we were  still stationed in Italy and could not get out to be

with you that day."  Uncle Ted said wiping his eyes. "It's alright  Uncle Ted, my friend Wally helped me out and so did his

parents."I remarked.  'Well all the family is waiting for you to arrive home so let's get cracking and head home." Uncle

Ted grinned grabbing my bags and heading to the carpark. 

 

 

 

It took about 30 minutes to get to Uncle's house and soon I was seeing the white three story house coming into view.

"Welcome home son, this is your new home now."  Uncle Ted grinned seeing his son's standing outside with a welcome

banner with my name on the front.  "Wow, that's nice."I said waving to Tommy and Jimmy, my cousins.  My aunt was

inside getting some food ready for a small party for me.  They had just returned from an army base in southern Italy as

my uncle was in the army and had just been released from the services.

 

 

 

 

"Rodger, welcome home." My cousins yelled when the car rolled into the driveway.  I got out and headed to the door and

flung myself to my cousins giving them a hug each.   They were 11 and 12 years old. Both were grinning when they saw me

and said it has been a long time since I last saw them all.  Tommy the eldest age 12 was wearing his scout uniform and was ready

to attend his troop meeting.  Jimmy was also wearing his uniform and both looked cute in their uniforms.  I was in the scouts

in my home town so i was hoping there was room for me in their troop.  

 

 

 

"Look at you, all grown up."My aunt Mary said giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. " Thanks for having me Aunt Mary, I know

you would look after me.":  I said while tears began to fall from my eyes.  " Don't cry son, you are now a member of this clan  

and always will be." My Aunt said hugging the air out of my lungs.  I sat down seeing all the food on the table and what a spread

it was.  " Dig in son, lots of food there for everyone."  Uncle Ted grinned seeing me grabbing a sandwich from the tray.

 

 

 

After an hour of eating and sucking down a few sodas I then went to my new bedroom and unpacked my bags.  I found my

scout uniform and placed it by the chair hoping that I could join my cousin's troop.  " Looks like someone wants to join

the scout troop."  Uncle grinned seeing me unpacking my bags.  " I would like to join the troop and be with my cousins. sir."

I said looking hopeful.   " We have already talked to the troop leader and he is ready to see you son."  My Uncle grinned

seeing my happy face.  

 

 

 

So after settling in we took off to the troop meeting hall and found a parking place next to the brick hall that had tons of

cute looking boys running around in their scout uniforms.  " Ready to see the troop leader son."  Uncle Ted asked me. 

" I am sir, ready as ever."  I replied seeing my cousins walking beside me as their buddies swarmed around them. 

 

 

" So this is my start of my story. it will get better when I get into the friendship with a special boy Rodger meets in the scout troop.

 A fellow scout who also had a death in the family and ends up living with his aunt.  I hope this is alright for your group.  Tell me what you think about my story." 

Thanks

Max. 

 

Boys in the hood. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Rilbur]

"Tell me what you think about my story." 

 

Before I dive in, are you sure you mean this?  I'm not a professional writer, but there is a very big unspoken 'yet' in that sentence.  And the reason that 'yet' is there is because I take a professional approach to these things.  Which means that I wield a giant red pen, and I am not afraid to use it!  I can, and will, operate on every level from the purely mechanical to the content choice.

 

If you're just looking for a pat on the back, I'm going to back way off; if you're looking for a mentor to help you improve...  speak and ye shall be answered.

[Hunter]

Hello Max,

 

I think your story has potential but you will most definately need help from someone in regards to sentence structure.  It's a bit choppy and needs some work with how it flows.  I think with the right editor working with you it can be smoothed out into a cohesive story.  You have all the elements there of it becoming a good story if you make sure to add the proper details along the way to build up your characters, clean up your sentence structure correcting some of the issues with how it flows in a smooth manner, and rounding it out in a satisfactory manner.

 

What many authors make the mistake of is to just sit down and write out a story without a lot of prep work ahead of time researching ahead of time for their story.  Even then it isn't simply a matter of sitting down and writing out a story.  You have to keep track of what happens along the way and be sure to edit your story.  It usually takes me about a month to do all my prep work ahead of time with putting together profiles for my characters and all the research I know that will be needed as I write out my story.  After I write out my story I go back and edit each and every chapter trying to smooth it out and correct as many grammatical issues as possible.  During this first edit is where I tend to discover the issue of how it is flowing from thought to thought along with a lot of grammatical issues.  This first edit takes me about three times as long as when I wrote out my chapter because I have to rework it along the way.  Banging out the story is the easy part, but the editing process is what takes a big chunk out of your time because you have to really look at your chapter critically and stop along the way to make the appropriate changes.  After I edit all the chapters going through it with a fine toothed comb the first time, I go back and edit each chapter for a second time catching all those mistakes I made the first time along with any new ones I may have inserted when I went in and edited it the first time around.  This tends to be a smoother read for me, but I tend to find all the smaller mistakes at this point.  I usually find myself then at the point where in my opinion it is clean enough even though I know there are still mistakes in the work.  If I have time I will edit it for a third time, but anymore I've gotten to the point in my writing where I don't do a third edit even though I'm sure it could use it, lol.  Even after all the editing I still end up with mistakes in my work, but again, by this point the story has a nice smooth flow to it.

 

So now after all of this my point here is that yes you have the elements of a story here, but it still needs a lot of work.  If you are willing to put more work into it and even find a very good editor who can help you out then I think you coulds create a nice little story.  Again, I want to emphasize the content and idea is there, but you still have a long ways to go in order to make this into a story that is up to the writing standards of this site.  I don't mean this in a bad way because even when I go back to my earlier stories that I've written I know those can be greatly improved as well on my part.  I've become better at things only because I worked at it and put in the time.  I'm sure my work would be even better if I had an editor working with me, but for me the way I write with all the twists and turns it would probably end up with way more work for me.  I put in a lot of time and effort at the outset and throughout my writing process and I've implemented a routine that seems to work for me in getting out a rather decent story.  So for each writer it is a matter of figuring out what works best for you.  If you think you can devote the extra time on your own and implement a routine that forces you to look at each chapter with a critical eye then you don't need an editor but rather take the time to go through and clean up your story along the way.  However, for some writers they are good at coming up with ideas and plots for their stories but simply need the help with getting things cleaned up.

 

Don't give up my friend and I think you will find gratification in all the extra work you put into writing out your stories.

[seabird]

Max,

 

Your story has great potential, the story line is great, but you need to clean up your act a bit. I believe stories should not be too "wordy", otherwise your audience looses their desire and patience to wade through the verbage. I am sure there will be some who would challenge me on that statement, but, if you ever want to get bored, try listening to a politician as he tells you how wonderful he is!

 

 

In my own writing, which I am NOT an expert, I write a draft and then proceed to delete as much as half the words as not being needed. There is a great desire to put as much detail into a story as one can, but remember always, "IS IT IMPORTANT TO THE STORY?"!

 

Charles Bird

SeaBird

[Hunter]

Max,

 

 I believe stories should not be too "wordy", otherwise your audience looses their desire and patience to wade through the verbage.

 

 

Charles Bird

SeaBird

 

SeaBird has a valid point here and something I struggle with in my own writing.  My chapters tend to be very long too in some of my stories.  I tend to add a lot of description in my stories which adds to the length, but I also get a bit wordy as well.  It's a sort of double edged sword for me because usually in my stories there is so much going on in them.  I try to keep the wordiness in my stories down but I find it almost impossible at times.  I do get a wide spectrum of responses in this regards from some suggesting to keep my chapters shorter while others saying the chapter ended too soon for them because they got so involved.  Any more I've simply resolved to write out my chapters and how they end they end.  When I go back to edit inevitably the chapter ends up being slightly longer just due to the fact of trying to make the sentences flow smoother and make more sense.  Usually it ends up a paragraph or two longer in the end when all is said and done.

 

Like I said I struggle with this all the time, but I think the important thing here is that if it adds to the story then keep it, if not then try to shorten it and become more straightforward.

 

Sigh, easier said than done because I am soooooo guilty of doing just that...being a bit wordy sometimes, lol.

 

Great point SeaBird

[Rilbur]

I believe stories should not be too "wordy", otherwise your audience looses their desire and patience to wade through the verbage.

 

Actually, I think his problem is in the exact opposite direction.  Far to few words.  

 

There is a writing maxim of "show, don't tell".  This story focuses on telling us stuff.  His parents died in an accident.  He's picked up at the airport.  This is the single most earth-shaking, life-changing, psyche-shattering event in the kid's life.  Show us how badly he's effected.  That one sentence about his parent's death could probably make a great first chapter, but tossed off as it is it looses much of it's weight and import.

 

Of course, at the same time it is important to cut any cruft -- maybe that sentence really should be a sentence.  Some things you do have to tell, but you need to show the actual story.

[Hunter]

Actually, I think his problem is in the exact opposite direction.  Far to few words.  

 

  His parents died in an accident.  He's picked up at the airport.  This is the single most earth-shaking, life-changing, psyche-shattering event in the kid's life.  Show us how badly he's effected.  That one sentence about his parent's death could probably make a great first chapter, but tossed off as it is it looses much of it's weight and import.

 

Of course, at the same time it is important to cut any cruft -- maybe that sentence really should be a sentence.  Some things you do have to tell, but you need to show the actual story.

 

You have a very valid point here Rilbur, but to be honest I'm not sure if this is the very beginning of the story, or if it is a little snippet a bit down the line where perhaps it had been discussed.  From the sense of things I'm gathering this is how he starts his story.

 

If this is the case I think that perhaps the issue is that many authors try to get the readers involved from the beginning by trying to use the shock factor of jump starting a story.  We are always told you need to capture your audience right away, but the problem is how do you go about it and still strike a balance.  Where do you start a story.  Sometimes we get too caught up with trying to capture our readers from the beginning that we forget critical issues that are necessary for a story.  If you want to capture the emotion of the moment why not have a scene with the boy crying maybe just after a funeral and ease us into the issue of him having to pack up and get ready to being transplanted.

 

I agree that as a reader I have to connect with the main character's emotion and what he is feeling.  It is hard to sympathize with someone who is dealing with death unless we know a little more about them.  There are all sorts of ways we can do this.  He could actually start at the point where he gets the news, or perhaps even further back to the day beginning with him interacting a little with his parents before they leave and then him getting the news later.  Or he can even begin with a scene where the boy is crying after the funeral and he reflects back on the fateful day.  However it is done there has to be a connection with the readers so we can understand and feel what the character is going through.  You can have the shock factor at the beginning of his parents having been killed, but he has to reflect back to how it came about.

 

Like I mentioned earlier I'm always struggling with my stories in regards to how much to write.  I've gotten to the point where I now simply tell the story and try to add details to create a visual reference for my readers.  I think if we can suck in our readers so they can see and feel what our characters see and feel then it doesn't matter how many words are used.  The important factor is to suck in our readers, the word length will then sort itself out and won't matter if it is longer or shorter.  So long as a reader can put themselves into the moment, then the wording is correct.

 

Sigh, it's all about finding that balance and I haven't figured out a formula for it other than to simply try drawing in my reader into the story.

[boys in the hood]

Hi all, I just submitted a short part of a story to see if my writing  skills would be accepted. as that is what the owner of the site asked for.  I am not a author but testing what was required from me. I do write on another site and have toned down my way of writing.  as I sent a story and was told it was too sexy for this site and so I sent a short chapter to see if I would be accepted.  Thanks all

 

boys in the hood. 

[Hunter]

Don't get discouraged "boys in the hood."  It's only a little excerpt like you said and have invited some suggestions.  I'm not an author as well but I still write and submit.  I do know that Roland has left submissions guidelines not all that long ago in response to your submission request.  You can go back and read it under the Submissions topic which will help clarify things for you.  This site is about offering those who want it help and he is offering that to you if you want to submit a story to him.

 

I don't think the concern is necessarily about the sex aspect of things, but rather making sure there is more than just that.  This site is about creating an overall good story line with good writing.  This site can offer you the help in order to achieve this.

 

So don't worry about the comments others have made about this little snippet of your story because like I said it can be cleaned up and improved upon.

 

Again, I'd suggest reading Roland's comments in the submissions section that he's just "pinned" which will help explain further on the submissions aspect of a story.

[boys in the hood]

Thanks for your comments. first off some of the authors here first started with nifty stories  and became authors there.  Second this was just a draft.  some one said my first chapter was missing things. Well I was only starting off with that  first chapter and then would have began to explain more about Rodger going back in time but that would have happened a little later on.   I would like some one to help edit my stories as I do have some writing problems with grammar and spelling. I was upset with some of the comments  as I thought I would find help here. !!!!!   

 

 

So I will wait for a response from you all.   This was meant to show what I could write, nothing more.  If I am accepted here then great but I feel like a tadpole between a hungry shark that only bites you to death. Thanks anyway.

Boys in the hood. 

[Zach Caldwell]

Max, I am sorry that you feel as though you are getting hit from all sides here. Clarification should of been sought with regards your level of writing and what you were expecting from us.

 

From what little you have posted it seems you have a good basis from which to develop a story. There is much work that needs to be done to develop your story and some of those suggestions have already been stated. If you want more guidance about your writing then I am certain you will find it here as time go forward.

 

Do you have a complete chapter? If so, is that chapter 50,000 characters or shorter? A complete chapter at this stage would give everyone a better idea of what your story is about and where you are heading with it and then we can provide more useful and targeted comments to help you out in your writing.

 

As for the story and what we expect; we want a family friendly story. Which is to say a story that is not about or centered around sex. We are more interested in the story and its characters. Does this help to clarify things for you a bit more?

[Rilbur]

Second this was just a draft.  some one said my first chapter was missing things. Well I was only starting off with that  first chapter and then would have began to explain more about Rodger going back in time but that would have happened a little later on. 

The purpose of a draft is to revise.  Please take our comments as nothing more than our efforts to help you focus that revision.  All of us started somewhere -- my first drafts were even rougher than this, I assure you.  Some people dragged themselves up by their own bootstraps, and I have nothing for respect for those that can manage that.  I, and plenty of others, were helped when someone came along with a red pen and started marking.  I simply try to pay that forward.

 

As for what's missing from this chapter, it's not something you can add in additional chapters.  The concept of 'show not tell' is core to writing, it's what makes the difference between a dry, dull history book and a riveting story.  If you'd like, I can explain it in greater detail.  I'd link to a blog post on it, but my blog is currently offline.

 

I was upset with some of the comments  as I thought I would find help here. !!!!!   

 

That is what we are trying to do.

[Hunter]

So I will wait for a response from you all.   This was meant to show what I could write, nothing more.  If I am accepted here then great but I feel like a tadpole between a hungry shark that only bites you to death. Thanks anyway.

Boys in the hood. 

 

I'm sorry that you feel you've been dumped on.  You asked for an opinion of what people thought about the story in the little snippet you offered and that is what several of us have done.  You can't simply look at only the criticism portion of what was being said because there have been other comments in which some of us feel like there is the beginnings of a good story here.  It simply needs work.  That's the truth.  You asked what we thought and we responded, but sorry if we misinterpreted what you were looking for.

 

In regards to this being a site for family friendly stories I think Zach may have mispoke because there most definately are some stories on here that do have sex involved.  I know my stories do, but I think the point he was making is that it has to be more than simply sex.  You have to actually have a story that involves much more than simply making it a jerk off story.  Sex is alright, but in the right context because there is much more to a story than that part of it.  Having said that, there is no indication of your story being one of those "jerk off" stories, only that it appears to be about a boy who is gay.  So we cannot judge this in the little amount we have before us, so don't sweat that portion of things.

 

Our comments on here is something for you to reflect on and take from it what you want.  We all have our own styles as you can see from some of the comments that have been made, so the trick is to find what works for you.  The main thing here is for you not to get discouraged.  When you posted your little snippet of a story and asked what people thought you should have also let everyone know that you are looking for some help to improve your writing.

 

I even think there is even a section on the forum somewhere in which you can actually ask for some help.  At least if I recall I thought I saw that on the forum somewhere.  I'll have to look for that, but please do look for it as well because that is where to go in order to find help. This section here is to get some honest feedback so that you can find out what you need to work on.  It is meant to provide you with the feedback you need and it is where we all can be honest.

 

Again do not be heartbroken but rather let this be a heartfelt criticism of a body of work.  Try not to look at this as being dumped on.  I think you can already see by the responses that there are plenty of people here who mistook what you were looking for in this section.  Actually, the comments that were made in regards to your story should make you happy because it shows that people are trying to give you helpful hints in how to improve your story.

 

Again, go through the forum's section and try to find that place where you can request some help in getting an editor or whatever.  I'm sure some of the administrators on here are probably already working to find someone who might be able to work with you.

 

Good luck my friend

[boys in the hood]

sorry everyone I'm dyslexic and have problems understanding what you are all on about . as for too :wordy:  don't know what you are saying to me. : verbage :means nothing to me as I don't know what you are telling me.  As for having a big red pen. WOW. 

 

I will submit a chapter in the section for proof reading and then let you rip it apart so then I can try better but hey guys don't use words i can't understand.

I am disabled and have problems writing but have over 30 stories in Nifty and I do try and hey not an author by any means but I do try.

 

Thanks

Boys in the hood. 

[Hunter]

sorry everyone I'm dyslexic and have problems understanding what you are all on about . as for too :wordy:  don't know what you are saying to me. : verbage :means nothing to me as I don't know what you are telling me.  As for having a big red pen. WOW. 

 

I will submit a chapter in the section for proof reading and then let you rip it apart so then I can try better but hey guys don't use words i can't understand.

I am disabled and have problems writing but have over 30 stories in Nifty and I do try and hey not an author by any means but I do try.

 

Thanks

Boys in the hood. 

 

Hello boys in the hood,

 

I've already sent you an extensive email so I've pointed out some things there, but I just wanted to say do not get discouraged.  I have dyslexia as well but do my own stories from start to finish including the editing portion.  The dyslexia creates a lot more work for me, but I know what my problems are so I know what to look for during my editing process.  It is during the editing stage where I clean up my work.  Again, it is more work because of the dyslexia, but over time it has helped me improve myself in the writing arena.  Even Steven King has dyslexia and look at the stories he has churned out.  This is a disability, but something that can be worked on if not only by yourself but also an editor.  I chose the route of not having an editor for many reasons, one of them being it forces me to confront my dyslexia and fix my mistakes.  Believe me it takes a huge amount of work and time to do it that way, but for me it is worth it.  Now from the looks of it your form of dyslexia is way more severe than mine, but I still think you could benefit from setting up a system which will help you improve your own skills despite the dyslexia.  Forcing yourself to really sit down and take the time and focus to try cleaning up your work will help you in the long run.  By all means use an editor to help you, but try helping yourself in the process as well.  Forcing yourself to do some of the work of editing will begin to let you slowly recognize some of these mistakes.  I know that over time my writing's improved because I forced myself to find my mistakes.  I've implemented a system that works for me and over time it has become easier.  Don't get me wrong...it still takes me a long time to edit my work and fix my mistakes.  Even then they are still there, but I think everyone here will agree that this holds true for all of their work as well.  There will always be mistakes, but the trick is to try cleaning it up in a way that is acceptable to the majority of readers.  In the end it will make for a smoother read.

 

Again, do not become discouraged.  Writing is a way to help improve your issues regarding dyslexia, but you have to do more than just write, you have to go back and recognize your weakness and try to fix those areas during the editing process.  That is how you will slowly improve those areas.

 

Just as a side note if you decide to go this route it will mean less stories coming out because you are now spending more time with cleaning up one story or another.  The trade-off here though is that you will produce stories that have a higher quality of craftsmanship.  So it also comes down to what you want.  In other words do you want a hundred stories to be churned out with glaring flaws and mistakes, but still decent stories with a decent plot, or do you maybe want four or five excellently created works for people to enjoy on so many different levels.  This is something you will have to think about because now your time will be allocated differently so it is a choice that will have to be made.  There are always pros and cons to what you want to do, so it is a matter of figuring out what you really want.

[ken barber]

Boys in the hood.

 

I commend you for sharing your story plot with this group of blood thirsty sharks  . I am teasing of course but I can see how you feel that way. I really don't think anyone intended to tear apart your story or your talent they were truly trying to offer constructive criticism. As an opening introduction that was a lot of constructive criticism to take all at once. The very first time I posted a story online I received an email within a day tearing it apart and it wasn't nice.  I almost said nope never again, but instead I decided I would show him. Do not give up, reread all the comments above and look at them like a breakfast buffet, take what you want and leave the rest. All of us have room to grow and improve. I do really like the story plot line and think it can turn into a wonderful story. Keep sharing with us and above all else Keep writing.

 

Ken B

[Hunter]

Do not give up, reread all the comments above and look at them like a breakfast buffet, take what you want and leave the rest. All of us have room to grow and improve. I do really like the story plot line and think it can turn into a wonderful story. Keep sharing with us and above all else Keep writing.

 

Ken B

 

That is exactly what I also suggested to boys in the hood Ken.  I even sent him a seperate email letting him know not to get discouraged.  I think what happened is that he sort of was inundated all at once with these comments and suggestions that he didn't have a chance to really sit down and read it in a way that the comments were intended.  This forum section here was meant for people to make comments in regards to what someone wrote...to make suggestion...and that is what ended up happening, but again it was like he got slammed from all sides, lol.  I don't think anyone intended it to be a slight or anything, simply offering him an honest opinion in how his piece needs more work.

 

I know someone else who is thinking about submitting here but his first language isn't English.  I've read his story and it is a good story with a nice plot line and everything, but you can tell that English isn't his first language.  He had an editor helping him out, but I don't think the editor did him complete justice because it still came across as someone who doesn't speak English as his main language with plenty of glaring errors still in it.  He likes his editor and I said that is perfectly fine, but some writers have multiple editors and maybe he needs to get a second one who not only knows the language, but also can help out with the grammatical and sentence structure aspect of his story.

 

Like I told him the story line and plot is all there, but it needs to be cleaned up is all.  I think for many people who write this is a major hurdle.  Even I struggle with it, and I'm stubborn about doing my own work from start to finish, lol.

 

Anyway, I'm glad you came on to simply give encouragement and be a fellow minow with boys in the hood in a small pond filled with us blood thirsty sharks.  Just teasing boy's in the hood, lol.

 

Don't get discouraged my friend...keep writing.  Believe it or not this site will provide you with the help needed because it really has a great group of people running it.  I'm sure they will find you help, but let them know.

[JoeWriterMan]

I agree with everything that has already made it to print. First of all, our comments are not personal attacks.  I learned, early on, that I needed to grow a tougher skin when it comes to receiving criticism from editors, and readers as well.  Some of the most harsh comments I've received have come from readers!  Gah!

 

IN GENERAL: Here are the things, in the order of importance, that I look for when prompted by a story submission:

 

1) Is it readable?  If my eyes have to stop to regroup so that I can figure out a missing word, determine some semblance of correct punctuation, missing words, duplicated words, run on and on and on sentences - then I stop.  I go no further.  Done.

 

2) Can I visualize a character being written about?  Is it described well enough so that I can see it with my mind?  Height, weight, hair color, eye color, does he or she walk with a limp? Does he or she wear glasses?  Skin tone.  Teeth?  Any other physical 'visualized' attributes worth mentioning?  Genital size and shape does not count, unless a fuck and suck story is being written (See #3, heh).

 

3) Is 'it' believable?

 

Lastly, when I read a submission it has to be in its 'perfect' state.  This means that all grammar, misspelling, punctuation issues must be already resolved.

 

I am a wordy author.  I admit it.  I own it.  I spend a whole lot of time developing and enhancing my characters, their surrounds, their reactions vs. responses... each of my characters has a 'quirk' or two that make them unique to other characters.  Parents and or guardians central to my kid characters have distinct personalities.

 

Right now I am working on transitioning one of my central characters from one who was horribly abused and made to feel like a piece of dung to becoming the person he really is - a character coming unto his own. I am writing how the other characters are helping to build him up - the important thing to note here is HIS transition to believing it for himself.  The transition IS the story as far as I am concerned - then he can deal with events in a different way... see I'm getting wordy here! :-)

 

These comments are not meant to be 'personal'. They are generalizations.  When we ask for feedback and criticism, we've got to be prepared to receive it.  The option to take it or leave it is up to the recipient.  Sometimes what seems to be the harshest comments are the ones that I have to pay attention to... damn it. :-)

[ken barber]

Joe, 

I hope your talking about a character that I am very fond of. He has been through hell literally and has come out the other side. Your character development astounds me. I don't know if its a mistake or not but I never do direct character descriptions. I try to make reference to body shape and features through the story but I try to get   the readers to create an image of the character the way they see them based on the characters personality and actions. If anyone has read my stories and thinks I am not pulling this off please please please tell me. 

[Hunter]

I agree with everything that has already made it to print. First of all, our comments are not personal attacks.  I learned, early on, that I needed to grow a tougher skin when it comes to receiving criticism from editors, and readers as well.  Some of the most harsh comments I've received have come from readers!  Gah!

 

IN GENERAL: Here are the things, in the order of importance, that I look for when prompted by a story submission:

 

 

 

Joe this is great stuff and perfect with trying to explain some things for boys in the hood.  I hope you don't mind but I'm going to email him directly and send your entire comment to him to be sure he gets this.  If nothing else it spells out some issues for him in a non offensive way giving him some insight into what to look for.

[Hunter]

I don't know if its a mistake or not but I never do direct character descriptions. I try to make reference to body shape and features through the story but I try to get   the readers to create an image of the character the way they see them based on the characters personality and actions. If anyone has read my stories and thinks I am not pulling this off please please please tell me. 

 

I'm exactly like Joe in this regard when I'm developing my characters.  I actually put together complete profiles of all my characters before I begin writing my stories which include all of their physical attributes, their mannerisms, their hobbies, interests, just about anything you can think of. I even have a template I've designed where I create my characters.  Then once I begin to write I start adding these things along the way including physical attributes and descriptions. I don't necessarily do it in one lump sum, but sort of bring out things along the way in stages.  It helps my readers form an image in their minds. Of course no matter how descriptive you get everyone will still see a character in their mind's eye a bit differently, but the idea is to get the readers engaged in formulating imagery as they read along.  I try to do a combination of things by giving direct character descriptions along with referencial descriptions to body shape and features.  Every author has their own style and there isn't one right way of doing things in my opinion so long as a reader can visualize a character.

[ken barber]

I started a new topic in the Writing tips thread to discuss the character description topic more. I would love if you guys jumped in there and helped create a great conversation that maybe all of us can learn from

[Zach Caldwell]

This thread is being closed. Boys in the Hood has submitted a new version of his story. Please direct your attention to his latest post. Thank you.