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The Androgyno, (The Boy That Wasn't)


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Probably for most, maybe not all, the main character in this story is not exactly boyfriend material.  Josey may reflect aspects of yourself and if you are ill at ease or at ease with the character may influence whether or not you will be drawn into the story.   

The main character is physiological a boy but a girl in many other ways.  Some boys, through no fault of their own become obviously feminine as they grow into puberty.  This can be a big problem, even life threatening.  What was it like? How do they pull through?

The premise of the story was that many men like androgynous boys just the way they are.  This was my point of view and this was the story I wanted to write.  The story fizzled for almost a year.  I cannot write about sex change because it is not in my experience.  If I try to fake it and get it wrong, the entire story loses credibility, so relax.  At best, I only approached it.

Josey's eventual boyfriend, Clark, was all male who carried a gun.  He was a tough guy and Josey's total opposite.  Although he thought of Josey as a girl and treated him like a girl, he used him like a woman.  As it turns out, it suited Josey just fine. There is something special about this affair.

If the main character opts for a gender change, would Clark maintain the same interest in her/him?  There is the risk that he'd look for another androgyno.  There are times in this story when gender pronouns float or change from one sex to another.  This is not done as an affectation but as a natural liberation occurring only at special times.  In other words, Josey could go either way but that will be saved for the epilogue.

The end can be left up to you..



The Androgyno, (The Boy That Wasn't)

by Larkin  all rights reserved



It was dry and hot and the open window let in the sounds of traffic 3 stories below.  It was a single room occupancy and even though it was almost noon, Jennifer was still in bed. She was just over 30 but still youthful and beautiful. She lay naked covered partially with just a sheet.  Next to her lay her son, Josiah. He had just turned 16.

They were almost identical, so much so that people got them muddled up and further complicating matters, they thought Josiah was not her son, but her daughter. He looked like a younger version of his mother.  Jennifer was still trim and they both had blue eyes and beautiful blond hair.  Josiah's was hair was shorter in a longish, homemade, rough cut.   

Arm in arm they stood in front of the mirror.  Jennifer saw how much alike they looked.  She was older but Josiah was beautiful just like she was at that age.  It was as if she had given birth to herself.

She laughed. "Josey, I used to be as flat as you and I was so self-conscious and look at you, you don't have anything to worry about."

Then she cupped her own tits and gave them a shake.

The dream of living in Hollywood hadn't quite turned out like she and her boy had hoped.  The large mattress that lay on the floor was their only bed.  Josiah got up and peed into a plastic tumbler and at the window, looked to see if anyone was standing below, then he dumped it and crawled back into bed with his mother. 

"We ought to get up, don't ya think?" 

They had stayed up almost all night, talking, eating pizza and watching old movies on a fluttering old black and white TV.

"Mom, don't ya think I should try to get a job or something, you know maybe like Arbee's drive through?"

They turned and faced each other. She pulled him close and hugged him. "I know, you probably should but I am always afraid I'll lose you.  If you went away I'm afraid I'd die without you. Josey, you're still my little boy."

Josiah hugged his mother. "Don't worry, I'll never leave you."

His voice was soft and feminine like hers.

Finally rising, Josiah pulled his underpants up over his small erection, then his jeans and yesterday's tee-shirt, proclaiming, "Earth Day" on its faded front.

"I'll be ready in a minute." His Mother collected some things and went out into the hall to the only bathroom on the floor.

When she returned she said, "Let's go to Denny's for breakfast?"


The waitress came and without any visible emotion, looked at one and then the other.

Jennifer said, "I'll have the French-toast and a glass of orange juice."

The waitress turned and looked at Josiah. "I'll have the same thing. Oh don't forget the syrup."

When she heard Josey speak, the waitresses' glaze had turned sour and disapproving. "You want coffee with that?"

Josey and Jennifer never drank coffee.

Jennifer, leaned forward and talked in hushed tones. "Josey, I have a date tonight and he's comin to the room.  I have some money so you can go to the movies and I promise I will have him out before you get home."

He listened without comment.

"Josey, we need the money.  If I don't get it we'll be back on the street."

Josey was not critical. He was resigned to what the world had become and he and his mom did what they needed to do to survive and stay together.  He remembered how they had to leave Texas in the middle of the night because the state was going to take him away from her. The image of the black highway disappearing behind as the car rushed further into the black desert. This memory of desperate flight had always stayed with him. Josey was only 10 at the time and hadn't been back to school since.

Anyway there had been other times when he had to get lost so Jennifer could meet someone.  It wasn't explained in so many words but she gave him money, and shooed him off.   One day, he took the bus to Santa Monica to spend the day on the beach but came home early. 

The door opened just when Josey was coming up the stairs. 

The man looked at him and called back to Jennifer. "Damn, I didn't know you had a daughter, I'll do her next time!"

He smiled at Josiah and pushed passed him towards the stairs.  Back in the room, his mother said nothing.  

It was a toss-up between Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in "Ghost" or  Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman".

Josey liked sad love stories so he decided on Ghost.  He knew he might cry during the movie but that was alright. He liked the feeling. He might even sit through it twice.

He remembered his mother dancing around in the small room, "We're both gonna be movie stars!" But the promise of fame and stardom never happened.  Like many others dreamers, they went to the movies instead.

At first, California was exciting but it soon wore off to reveal a hard and unforgivable land where everyone was better than you and the police were always watching and waiting for just one misstep.    


As it turned out, the theater at the shabbier end of Sunset Blvd was mostly empty.  The movie hadn't even started when a guy leaned over from the row behind. He pointed at the seat next to Josey in the almost empty theater. "Anyone sittin here?"

Josey gave him an irritated glare.

"I seen you come in and I think you're pretty cute."

"I'm not a girl!"

A few disparaging words was usually enough to get rid of them. 

 Towards the end of the second viewing, a man sat in the row in front of Josey.  At first it was ok but after awhile he kept looking back. 

"Hey, what's up?"

Josey ignored him.

"Hey, you interested?"

This time he looked directly at him and in an annoyed voice he said, "Interested in what?"

He showed him the corner of a $100 bill. "Come on... in my car, it'll be over before you know it."

Josey was apprehensive but he knew that his mother needed money.  The idea of getting money seemed to justify anything. He was a big man dressed all in black.  The two walked out of the theater together. 

He started the his car and pulled out onto Sunset. "What's your name?"

Josey sat a close to the passenger side door. He shrugged and said nothing.

The man said, "So, you do this all the time, don't you?"

They both knew what he was talking about. "No, I never done it before."

"You mean you never had a stiff dick in your mouth?"


"Well, do you like a big dick."

Without looking at the man he said, "I don't know?"

His car headed up into the Hollywood hills. "Well you think you'd like to find out?" 

"I don't know?"

The large dark man driving gave a slight sigh. "Look, if you don't, it's alright with me.  I'll just drop you back down on Sunset, no harm done."

Saying that it was his choice to do it or not relieved the tension a little and allowed him to relax around the strange man.  Josey also thought about the money.  

"Ok, maybe I'll try it."

The car came to a stop on a dark and secluded road.  The man undid his belt and opened his pants.  Now Josey knew he had to do it.  The man shook his cock and placing his hand at the back of Josey's neck, he pulled the boy towards it.

"Open up little girl." His voice was soothing.

"Come on, say ahh and I'll do the rest."

It was long and it filled his mouth entirely. The man held Josey's head in place and pushed his large cock in and out of the boy's mouth.  Josey let go of his apprehension and instead of being foul and disgusting it felt good going into his mouth.  He found it strangely comforting and it provoked in him an actual desire to do it. Without prompting, Josey continued until he falling under a strange spell. It became intoxicating. Josey now seem to understand why people would do such a thing.    

The ritual went on and on and Josey continued. He was overwhelmed by the experience.  Soon it increased in intensity and was nearing resolution. 

The dark man spoke is the same calming voice. "To earn your money, you have to let me cum into your mouth. whether you swallow it or spit it out is your decision just let me finish cuming before you do."  

He let Josey know just before and it poured out in surges, thick and warm.   He felt its force on the roof of his mouth and when he looked up to see the man's face, it was in shadows. 

He gave Josey a towel to spit into. "Don't worry, you will not die, it's not poison. Next time, try to swallow it..."  

On the ride back down to Sunset, he said, "You ever have a big cock up your ass?

Josey shook his head no.

"Have you thought about it?"


"Well if you find that you are considering the idea, come and see me first because I want to be the one to make you into a girl.  I don't exaggerate when I say, it would be my pleasure."

He wrote his phone number on a scrap of paper and gave it to Josey.

"Just ask for Clark.." 


1/12 chapters

author's comment

Yes they're sexual scenes but they are not everywhere and they are not repetitious and all of them are essential to the plot. 

Edited by larkin
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Josey's eye wandered from the table at their booth, to the breakfast counter to the pick-up window and beyond, to where the black grill cooks were carrying on and laughing while dishing up the perfect food. 

Jennifer ordered the same as always, French-toast.

He looked down at his menu.  "Um..I think I'll have pancakes and sausages."

The waitress scooped up the menus and hurried off.

"Well the rent's paid for another week.  We'll look for work tomorrow, why don't we go to the beach?"

Josey nodded. 

A pear-shaped man approached the booth where they sat.  Jennifer looked up and smiled, "Barney! what are you doing here?"

"Oh nothing, I just came in for breakfast, can I join you?"


The plain looking man slid into the booth next to Jennifer. His arm stretched along the back of the booth behind his mother.  It was a detail not lost on Josey.

"This is my son, Josiah."

Barney offered his hand across the table. His handshake was forceful and uncomfortable.

"I got two boys of my own,  Ed and Richie.  They're two years apart close to Josiah's age.  Me and my wife separated last year.  They live over in the Valley, but I kept the marriage together for the sake of the boys.  Boys need their father and I wanted to make sure that they'd be ok. I still see them once a week." 

Barney gave Josey a subtle side-glance that was critical somehow.

Jennifer and Barney talked about superficial things.  Josey studied the Barney's face. He couldn't see anything in common with this man.  He was like a man in a ticket booth or a bus driver.  There was nothing to latch onto.  Josiah thought, Surely there was more to him than that?

He let them talk and got up to go pee.  The restroom was tidy but smelled of urine anyway.  Josey's mind drifted back to the movie theater and the ride in the car with a man he didn't know.

The breakfast had arrived and Barney was holding up his menu and ordering. 

Jennifer was in good spirits. "Josey, Barney's an engineer, technical stuff and all.  He's a real genius.  He invented some kind of gasket." 

The ordinary looking man was beaming at the compliments.

Josey found out later that he was a mechanic who repaired washers and driers in laundromats and had accounts all over the Valley. According to Jennifer, he had done alright for himself.

Barney laughed out loud. "Well let's not get carried away." 

His laughter sort of bothered Josey but he didn't quite know why.


The mother and son picked up the Wilshire bus and headed into Santa Monica.

Jennifer wore jeans and a tube top and carried a beach bag.  Josey wore close fitting shorts with a towel hung on his neck and flip flops.  He had begun to get tall and a bit gangly.

"Why don't we move to Venice, it's on the beach?"

Jennifer considered the idea. "Ok, I'll look in the ads. We can't do any worse than we are doing where we are.  Hollywood is glamorous on the outside but it is ugly underneath."

Once on the beach they did the girl thing.  Sunglasses, spreading out a blanket and the laying out like cats in the sun rubbing lotions on each other.  

All of Josey's mannerisms were feminine. His hands were thin and delicate, his torso lacked any male definition and when his mother made a funny observation, Josey laughed like a young girl. Together they looked like two girls sunning themselves on the beach. Josey imitated his mother because it was the only life example he had but his femininity was not put on or contrived. It was completely natural. This was just the way Josey was. 

An old Jewish lady with a big hat lugging an aluminum beach chair stopped and was overtaken by her own friendly laugh.

"Oh lord, I thought you were a girl and you were going topless.  It gave me quite a start, I'm so sorry."

Josey and Jennifer, smiled and watched the old woman lumber off.  Jennifer knew that her son was more girl than boy but she had no idea what to do about it.  It was easier to pretend everything was normal and anyway she loved Josey just the way he was.    

Jennifer pulled out a cigarette and lit it.  "Having one cigarette a day is real hell, I should just stop altogether."

"Tell me about my father.."

Jennifer gave a pensive frown. "Honey, why do you worry about him? he's nothing to you and God only knows where he is."

"I don't know, it's sort of natural to ask about your own father, isn't it?"

"I'm ashamed to admit this, but we only had two dates and then he was gone...And I ended up with you and you have made me so happy that I never regretted it for a second."

Jennifer realized that Josey needed to know about him so that he could understand himself more.

"Well he was one handsome man. I always had good taste. He was blond and blue eyed like us. He was a musician and beyond that, he was pretty useless.  He drank, kicked butt and sometimes ended up in jail.  Last I heard he joined some cracker-rock group.  I knew you might get to the age where you'd want to go off and find him, but I promise you, you're better off not doin it."

She stroked Josey on the back. "I am sorry to say this, but he was an..."

She leaned forward and mouthed the word, asshole.


That night, Josey woke up out of a deep sleep. His mother was asleep along side of him.  He thought about the man he had met and how easily he had seduced him. He remembered the inside of the car being like a dark and beautiful secret. 

Like any boy his age, Josey jerked off every day.  Sometimes when Jennifer was out and sometimes when she was there.  The small room afforded no privacy.  The first time it happened in the middle of the night, his mother turned towards him and whispered in his ear. "It's ok, you can do it, I understand."

She snuggled up close but didn't interfere. It was intimate but it never went further than that.  Josey continued jerking off. They were like two sisters that hid nothing from each other.

But this night was different. His mother was deep asleep and the image of the man rose up inside him provoking the most intense erection he had ever had. He stroked it slowly savory each moment while reconstructing the event in his mind.  The man had put his cock into Josey's mouth.  It was such a dirty thing to do and Josey let him do it and wanted him to do it. The reverie was incredibly vivid.  Josey came but it was a sprinkle more like urine than like semen.  He remember he had the scrap of paper with the phone number written on it and the name, Clark.


"I'm goin to dinner tonight with Barney you'll be alright won't you?  Here's money for pizza and I'll be back by twelve. Barney says he'll fix us up with a better TV."

Josey barely looked up from his magazine. "Ok."

In spite of his anemic education, Josey was trying to learn how to read before he forgot what little he had learned when he was pulled out of school.

"What's this word?"

Jennifer looked over his shoulder at the supermarket gossip rag. "Celebrity, you know like movie stars."

"I know what a celebrity is,  I just didn't recognize it printed down on paper!"

Josey was not stupid, just insufficiently educated.


When his mother went out the door on her big date, Josey was relieved to finally be alone.  He paused and then took off all of his clothes to admire himself in the mirror.  His image was not unpleasant but in his mind, it was gauzy and ethereal like a picture of an naked maiden out of an art book.  He considered his penis and scrotum as small and unremarkable and wondered who would ever be interested in something so insignificant. He tucked his penis and scrotum between his legs giving the impression that he had an innocent pussy.  On him, it didn't look unusual at all. 

Josey hadn't quite gotten to the stage of teenage self adoration but it was just beginning to blossom.  People had been interested in him but he didn't really understand why.  On the bus to the beach a man sitting opposed to them stared at him and kept he adjusting his crotch. Boys his own age would never engage him but their eyes followed him as he walked by. Maybe part of it was the confusion over his gender.  He figured that all these things would eventually work themselves out.

Josey's and Jennifer's clothes were all in cardboard boxes.  He stood over a box that contained a jumble of his mother's panties.  He examined this one and that one and settled on an exotic pair to put on.  His erection stuck straight out and the sight of it pleased him.  He lulled on the mattress mimicking poses he had seen in a naked girlie magazine.  He pulled one leg up to his chest making his behind accessible and  prominent. He imagined someone watching him.  He wondered, if they saw him,..would they get a hard-on?

The evening wore on and Josey became bored.  He had jerked off once and was considering doing it again but instead, he got dressed and went out.


When you live in a busy tourist area eventually you look past the roaming tourists and just see the regular people that live there. Josey wandered along the sidewalk of the stars with names he didn't know.  There were homeless kids on this block and they would pan-handle and act up until the cops arrested one or moved them all out.  In a few days, they would all be back. 

"Hey, I seen you before, you live around here don't you."

Josey stopped and looked at the boy. He was just a few years older. He was dressed ragged clothes that were spray painted with symbols of anarchy.  They were fixed with metal chains and clips hanging down.  He had blue hair and it was shaved all around as if by a bowel and one shark's tooth earring that dangled from his ear. .

"You wanna hang out?"

Josey didn't really say anything but instead, just fell into line. Soon he was in tow like he was a girl friend or something.

"Wait here, I'll be right back." 

Feeling stupid, Josey stood and waited.

When he returned, "Look what I got, you wanna go smoke it?"

He followed him to the back of an abandon building.

"What is your name, you never told me."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Spike."

They sat together in a concealed alcove.  Spike lit up the joint and passed it to Josey."

"So where do you live?"

Josey inhaled the pot smoke. "Oh, I live near Sunset and Fairfax."

As Spike got high he became more animated. Josey was inexperienced and went into a sort of a mental paralysis.  Spike reached over and started fumbling with Josey's pants. 

When he contracted at the intrusion, Spike said,  "Hey, don't be a bitch, I know you're a boy. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me now give it up!"

Spike pulled Josey's small penis out and went down on him. 

"Come on, relax, you're missin out."

Josey'e little cock just laid there like a caterpillar. Spike took out his own cock and began to jerk off over Josey. 

"Don't tell me you don't even suck dick?  What a gyp!"

Spike squirted his gloppy cum all over the front of Josey's Earth Day tee shirt.  Then shook out his dick, stood up and adjusted his ragged clothes.

He turned and looked back at Josey.  "Later dude."

Josey walked home.

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A better TV appeared in the room.  Occasionally Barney would drop by with practical gifts.  He brought over a mini refrigerator and a fan to put in the window.  He gave Josey a long sleeved plaid shirt with snaps for buttons.  It was just like the ones Barney wore.  Josey politely said, thank you,  but never tried it on.

He took a commanding position in the middle of the room, "We've got to figure out how to get Josiah back into school."

Jennifer agreed, giving Barney's, “hands on approach”, credibility.  Her intention was to retreat and allow Josey to experience a man to man talk with Barney, 

"I'll be right back, I'm just going out to get cigarettes."

Barney pulled up a chair and placed it next to the half dressed and reclining boy. Josey spread out, had a prolonged stretch and only then, sat up giving Barney attention.

"Josey, do you have any idea what you want to do with your life?"

Josey made a vague effort at being polite but Barney was speaking a foreign language.

"Um...not really."  

"You need to start thinking about these things before it is too late.  I just transferred my two boys over to the technical high school so that they can learn a trade.  Have you thought about doing anything like that?"

For reasons that he didn't fully understand, he just didn't like Barney. They were just so different.

"Not really, I mean, no, I haven't thought about anything like that."

"Well what do you want to do, I mean do you have any idea?"

"I don't know."

"So, you plan to lay around, half naked everyday and let other people pay all the bills?"

"Josey gave Barney a guilty but endearing smile. "I guess so."

The sight of it just irritated the shit out of Barney and his temper was beginning to well up. 

"If you were my kid I'd beat the fucking shit out of you!"

Josey recoiled giving him a hurt and puzzled frown.

He caught himself and for a moment, just as his plain looking face was beginning to turn red with anger.  It was then that Josey saw the real Barney.

Angrily he said, "Tell your mother that I'll see her this evening!"

With that Barney left the small apartment in a huff.


Jennifer returned with soda and chips. 

"What happened to Barney?  Oh, that's right, he had some kinda of job he had to do."

She never mentioned the man to man talk.  

Jennifer gave Josey a hug, "Can you keep a secret?"

Josey listened.

"I think Barney wants to marry me.. What do you think?"

 The shock at hearing this physically went through his body.  If he had been standing, he might have collapsed in a faint. 

As the fear set in, Jennifer was oblivious of what effect this had on Josey.

"I'm sorry I've been going out so much."

She also had no idea that her absence had given Josey an opportunity to go out too. He always made sure he got back before she did but now, a rift between them had suddenly formed.

He let his mother talk.

"Josey honey, I'm tired of moving around and worrying about not having the rent and I want a stable life for you so you can go back to school and I can't face ending back on the street.  Oh God, do you remember when we lived for a week in a station wagon in Bakersfield? I never want to go through that again. Life has been too hard."

Josey asked a crucial question. "Do you really love him?"

She didn't say anything but Josey knew the dye had been cast when she said,  "We might move over the his place in Culver City."

The newly installed phone rang.  Jennifer got up to answer it and Josey slipped out the door.


They're all gone today but in 1990 there was a bank of pay phones down stairs at the front desk. Josey dialed the number. 

A man answered. "Yeah?"

Josey's voice was trembling. "Is Clark there?"

"Naw, he's not here. Who should I say is callin?"

Josey quickly hung up. 

Afterwards, he walked down to Sunset where he had gradually made a circle of friends. Spike was around but they ignored each other.

A kid named Devon called out to him. “Hey Josey!”

Josiah felt increasingly at home with the street kids that hung out on the boulevard.


Barney's house had a lawn but the grass was dead.  So was the Arabian palm that towered over the small, boxie house.  Jennifer and Josey had come over to see where Barney lived.  It was also an opportunity to meet his two boys that were down for the weekend.

"I'm not wastin expensive food on you scum bags, I ordered Mexican food and Jennifer and me are going out to the Olive Garden."

Eddie was the tall one and Richie was the shorter one. They both had acne.  The two boys were quiet and subdued around their father.  They called him..Sir, and he affectionately called them, scumbags.  Josey kept getting the two names muddled up in his mind but he would soon learn the difference.

"We'll be back by mid-night and don't burn the house down. 

Josey thought, "His laugh is so stupid."

The door shut and Josey found himself alone with the two boys.

The shorter boy looked at Josey. His expression was mean and unattractive. He looked over at the taller one smiled and then back.  They moved closer to Josey.

Early on it was apparent that Richie, the shorter one, did all of the talking. 

He was cocky and confrontational. "Do you think you can beat me in a fight?"

He put up his fists and pranced threateningly back and forth in front of Josey.

Josey was not equipped for this kind of encounter.

"Well, what-ya think?"

Josey looked from one to the other. "No I never been in a fight."

Richie threw a fake punch that stopped an inch short of hitting Josey.

"Answer me one question,..Are you a faggot?"

Eddie, the taller on moved closer and said, "Yeah, are you a faggot?  You look like one."

"Come on, tell us, are you a faggot?  We won't tell nobody." They both laughed.

The two boys trapped Josey him in a corner.  His body vibrated with fear.

"You ever fuck a girl?"  

The fear showed in his face. Josey managed to say no.

"What?  You mean to tell me you never fucked a girl?".

Richie said, "Well that means you must be a fuckin faggot."

His brother chimed in, "Yeah, you're a fuckin faggot aren't ya?"

They were getting considerable pleasure out of terrorizing Josey.  It was bordering on bloodlust.  When Josey looked into each of their mean and twisted faces he saw Barney's face.  These boys were his creation.

A sense of real and accelerating danger hung in the small room.

"Hey, you suck dick? I know you do.  Tell us how you do it, we wanna know."

"Yeah, you like to get fucked in the mouth, how about up your ass?"

Eddie moved in back of Josey and Richie came closer menacing him.  Josey put his hand up to hold him back.

"Hey, don't fucking touch me you faggot!  I'll fuck you up!"

The doorbell rang. It was the Mexican food delivery. Josey pushed past the delivery boy and ran down the street as fast as he could. 

When he knew he was far enough away he hid in an alley and started to cry. 


Josey looked at the crumpled piece of paper and put a coin in the payphone.

"Hi, is Clark there?"

"Yeah, this is he.  Who is this?"

"It's  Josiah."

"Well, Josiah, refresh my memory, I don't remember any Josiah."

 "We met in the movies. They was showin Ghost, remember?"

"You must mean I picked you up in the movies"  There was a pause.

"Oh, yeah, I remember you, really cute blond. What's up?"

"I don't know, I just called you up to see if you remembered me is all, I'm sorry I bothered you."

Josey was about to hang-up.

"Hey, what's goin on with you. Do you want to get together and do something?"

Josey was relieved that he remember him and that he was even interested.  "Um, ok."

"Where can I pick you up?"

"I'm in Venice.  At the circle where the Post office is."

"Sure, I'll be there in 20 minutes."


Edited by larkin
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Josey didn't know anything about cars.  He knew it was expensive and black and it pulled around and the door opened.  It was now evening making the encounter with the man named Clark, indistinguishable from the first time that they met.  Josey crawled in and moved close to the driver who was still pretty much a stranger.  He rested his head on Clark's shoulder as if relieved to be safe. 

"So, little girl, how've been?"

Josey smiled. For some reason it comforted him to be called little girl.  He was thinking that girls didn't have any responsibility and what little responsibility he had was more burden than he wanted.

"I'm ok."

"You want to go somewhere to fuck around or do you just need some company?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I don't care."

Clark laughed. "We could do both?"

"I called you a few times but you wasn't there. Some man answered so I hung up."

Josiah's voice was breathy and more like a girl than it ever had been. It made Clark feel protective towards him.

"Josiah, you should have just left a message.  It's sort of like an office. I would have gotten it."

He looked at the highway unfolding before them and imagined going on a long trip with Clark. 

There was a pause. "Where we goin?"

Clark smiled and said, "Nowhere, Just taken a drive up the coast."

"If you want, you can call me Josey.  I like that better."

He looked out the window of the speeding car.  He thought about Barney and his two sons and a shiver went through him.  He quickly put it out of his mind.

Clark slowed down and turned into a brightly lit motor court and parked.

"You wait here, I'll be right back."

Josey thought about his mother going to the Olive Garden with that stupid Barney. 

He puzzled to himself,

"What the fuck did she see in him?  I know what I saw in him, just his stupid face.  I saw his two mean sons.  They didn't have to treat me that way." 

Josey shuddered.  He decided that he would never allow himself to be alone with them again. 

"Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm like a freak."


Clark returned with a key in hand. "Come on."

It was the usual sort of motel room with a big bed, lamp and TV.

"Are you any more experienced than you were when I first met you."

Josey smiled. "No, not really."

"That's good to hear"

He laughed and then moved forward trapping Josey between his legs, causing him to lay back on the bed. He looked up at the large man.

Clark's voice was calming. "Do you know why I call you little girl?"

Josey gave an alluring smile and softly shrugged his shoulders."

"Because you really do look like a beautiful woman.  I've never seen anyone like you."

What started out being a bedside blow-job became an sensuous embrace. They lay together.  Josey had never kissed a man before and it just wasn't Clark's style and yet it was happening.  They were both erect and for Clark at least, his large cock was binding in his clothing.  

Lying on the bed, Josey watched him take off his jacket.  Along his chest and under his arm was a leather strap.  It lead to a holster holding an automatic pistol. 

Josey sat up, "You carry a gun,..Are you like a cop or something?"

Clark smiled and said, "No, I am not a cop.  Something else would be a better description."

He gave Josey the black automatic for him to hold.  It was heavy and made no sense at all in Josey's hands.

"Little girl, just be assured of one thing, I would never, never hurt you and when you are with me, You don't have to worry about anything." 

Clark's confidence mesmerized him.

"Let's have a look at that body of yours." 

Clark pull off Josey's worn out old Nikes and socks, then his tee shirt.  The boy/girl was pale and without definition.  It was rare for him to feel emotions but he did with Josey who had so willing placed himself into his hands. The oversized pants were very lose and just hung on him. Clark opened them and pulled them down and off.

Josey lay almost naked before him except for his mother's pair of exotic panties. Josey blushed.

Clark was amused. "You want to leave them on when you suck my dick or take'em off." He laughed but it was good natured.

"I kinda like them.  They make me feel good.  Do you think I am weird?"

"Yes I do."

Josey lifted both his legs, pulled off the panties and then lay defenseless and vulnerable.  

"Josey, your little dick looks like a Christmas ornament."

He turned him over and parted his ass and started probing his hole with a wet finger. 

Josey recoiled. "I don't know if I want to be fucked, I'm afraid."

"So you really haven't been fucked before?"

"No, never."

"That's ok, when you're ready, you'll let me know but you have to let me play with your pussy in the mean time, otherwise, you'll never know when you're ready."

Josey agreed.  Clark's persistent intrusion of Josey's behind quickly became a prominent part of their close encounters.

 Entirely at ease with Clark, he rose from the middle of the large motel bed on to his knees and opened Clark's pants and lifted out his large cock.

"God.. it's so incredible. I've never seen anything like it."

"Josey, don't you have any brothers or uncles or maybe a father who strutted around naked?"

"No just me and my mom.  She took me out of school when I was really young and it always been just me and her."

"Why'd she do that?"

Oh, it's a long story."

His cock began to rise up in Josey's warm hands.  He pulled down the foreskin and looked at it with amazement.  The first time with Clark came back to him, only this time he was unafraid.  He opened his mouth and Clark slid it in.


"God damit Josey!...."

Jennifer stood blocking his entry to the small apartment.  "I've been worried sick about you. Where did you go?  Barney and I drove around half the night looking for you!  Don't ever do that again!"

She moved aside letting him in.  "Honestly Josey, It's like you only think of yourself!"

At that moment, he was wishing he was still with Clark. 

"I left because Richie and Eddie were mean to me.  They were being assholes."

Jennifer tilted her head in disbelief.  "What are you talking about?  They were just as worried as we were! Both of them were walking up and down the streets looking for you!  You really upset them!  They said that you were acting weird and that you just ran out."

He was confused.  He wondered how did things get so turned around?

His mother was adamant.  "Barney's right, you need a man in your life."

Josey thought, like who...., Barney? He resisted the temptation to blurt it out.

"When you see his boys again, I want you to apologize!"

What she said astonished him. Was she blind?

Jennifer never noticed his new pair of Nikes.

The mother and son didn't speak for the rest of the day. Barney picked her up in the evening and then Josey went down to the Strip.    (Sunset Strip)


Devon was looking somewhat dejected until he saw Josey.   Josey had money so they went to "Jack in the Box". 

"So what you been up to?"

Devon was a declared gay kid from the suburbs.  Small in stature with medium length dark hair and an out of place pair of glasses that he couldn't do without.  More fag than punk.  

He adorned himself with buttons, bracelets and a pierced tongue that he claimed was for "Suckin dick."  Each time he made this pronouncement, Devon would giggle with delight. 

There was instant recognition between the two and Josey and Devon became friends. 

"Josey, could you give me some money."

It was an honest request. Devon didn't use the more common "lend me some money" because he knew he'd never have it to give back. 

Josey gave him $10 out of the money given to him by Clark.  He didn't mind. 

"You are so awesome, thx."

"Can we go somewhere and do something?"

Josey had become more worldly but he asked.  "Um I don't get fucked in the ass if that's ok with you?"

Devon smiled, "That's ok, I'm a total pussy." He showed Josey his pierced tongue for the third time.


His own cock was small and Devon's was respectable. 

Devon, giggled and confided in Josey. “You get fucked, it's totally awesome.”

Josey thought about it.

What Clark did was strange and perverted but it was ok because it was Clark.

He hesitated, “I don't know, I have thought about it.”

Devon giggled again. "Well we can't exactly do 69 here in this alley so let's just take turns.”

Josey squatted down and took Devons boner into his mouth.  He didn't really think of it as cheating on Clark, it was more like practice so he could do it better next time they got together.  Devon was just a friend, Clark was definitely something different. He like how friendly Devon was but it just didn't feel the same. He had already decided that if he was ever to get fucked up his butt it was going to be Clark.

He really thought that Devon was going to cum when he pushed Josey off and they switched positions. 

He tugged it out of his pants and looked up at Josey, "Don't worry, it will grow bigger.  Mine used to be just as small."

Josey was hard and it felt good to being sucked off.  He closed his eyes and imagined he was in bed and about to cum without even touching it.  Then he imagine Clark pushing his hard cock into his mouth. His body tightened up and thrust forward. Josey moaned and gasped.

When it subsided. Devon looked up at him. "Wow, it's cum alright but it squirts out like pee."

Some people were coming down the alley and the two boys casually blended back onto the Strip.


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Josey went out, picked up a small pizza and brought it back to the apartment. His mom had already gone. He figured that Barney must have picked her up. There was a note on the table and he sat down to read it.

“Josey, here's our new phone number.”

It was hastily scribbled on the paper. He looked up and saw the olive green telephone sitting on the floor next to a stack of cardboard boxes.

The note continued. Barney and I are going out to eat and then maybe dancing. I'll be home around midnight.

The thought of seeing his mother dancing with Barney made him sick. He quickly turned and distracted himself with something else. Josey picked up the phone and punched in the number.

"Yeah, who is it?"

"It's me, Josey. I just called to see what you're doin."

"Hi little girl, how are you this evening?

"I'm ok."

"I'd like to get together with you but I got stuff to do."

Josey felt let down. He wanted to see Clark while his mother was out with Barney.

"Are you sure,? I really want to see you."

"I want to see you too."

There was a long pause. Josey was nervously shifting from one foot to the other.

Clark's calming voice continued. "Ok, I'm gonna be busy until around 4 am, can you sneak out and meet me?"

Josey gave a sigh of relief. "Denny's, down on Sunset. It's open all night is that ok?"

"I'll pick you up there."


It was an ideal time to sort through his mother's possessions. He looked through a stack of old photos. He had done it before and looking for a picture that might be his father but found none. There was a picture of himself when he was a baby sitting on his mother's lap.

He thought, God, I looked like a girl even when I was a baby.

His mother had put a bow in his hair and combed it to the side.

It was a moment of personal reflection. "I never ever really felt like a boy. If I was a girl, I would have no problem fitting in..

He went back to the box of his mother's sexy panties. Most of her panties were everyday bikini types but there were a few that stood out. One was red and sparkly with sequins and another one was black with jewel like tassels. Who was she with when she wore them? He thought that maybe she had been a dancer or maybe even a stripper. He wondered if his mother had missed the exotic pair he had stolen?

He stripped naked and tried each of them on. There was another box that contained an even worse jumble of bras. He tried one on and then another. He looked at himself in the mirror and thought that he looked pretty realistic. Josey decided that he was shapely in the way that a girl is. He even had wide hips for a boy.

He looked and saw something at the bottom of the box. Reaching in he lifted out a cream colored vibrator. He twisted the bottom ring, the battery was dead. He held it close and examined it and tried to imagine his mother using it. If she had, she probably would have taken it with her into the bathroom. Not wanting to think of her in that way, he imagined himself using it.

The girlish boy was tempted to put it into his mouth pretending that maybe it was Clark's big dick. He knew that it was nowhere as big. Josey lay down on the bed and lifting his legs he began to penetrate himself with it. He thought about Clark wanting to be the first to fuck him. He closed his eyes and conjured up the image of Clark over him like a great shadow, naked and hard about to penetrate him. Pulling his legs back as far as they could go, he slipped it in and out of his ass. He wasn't sure when it would happen but he knew that now he wanted it to happen,..and he wanted Clark to be the one to do it.


Josey woke up just in time to hear the key in the lock. He pulled off the panties and quickly hid them and the vibrator where she wouldn't find it. Jennifer stumbled into the that apartment. She was laughing and talking nonsense.

His mother was drunk. "Oh God, Josey, help me, I am so fucked up!"

She flopped down on to the bed and was talking and laughing into the pillow. Josey pulled off her shoes and helped her take off her party slacks. He didn't mind taking care of her.

"Mom,... mom! do you need anything?

She was already curled up with the blanket over her. "Wha.., No Josey, I'm ok."

He got her some aspirin and water knowing that she would feel like shit in the morning.

"Here take these."

He held the glass for her while she gulped down the pills and then settle into bed.

An hour later she vomited into a plastic tub and Josey took in the hallway bathroom and cleaned it.

He didn't mind. It felt good to be needed and to be useful. Josey loved his mother.

At about 3:30 am, Jennifer was passed out. Josey dressed and then slipped out the door, down the stairs and out onto the street. He was very excited. He was going to meet Clark.


Clark's Black car turned from Wilshire on to the ramp leading down to the Pacific Coast Highway.

Do you like carry that gun all the time?

Clark kept his eyes on the road. "Yeah, most of the time."


He didn't answer.


"Cause I need it for work."

"What kind of work?"

He momentarily turned his gaze to Josey, looking a bit cross. "Little girl, this is not shit that you need to know about.

His voice became so menacing and threatening that it frightened and chilled Josey.  He suddenly realized that this was a man that was to be feared.

In a beast-like register he said, "I keep people in line."

There was a long silence between the two until he said more calmly, "Now no more questions, ok?"

In spite of this the ominous tension evaporated and Josey felt safe again.

The car turned off the highway and began traveling up canyon road.

"Where are we?"

"Topanga, I've a friend who won't be home for 5 or 10 years and I use his place sometimes."


There was nothing indicating a house on the side of the road other than a mailbox post. A set of wooden steps and rock slab led down off the road and then, further down into the canyon.

"Josey, You'll like this place."

The house was white, round, stucco sort of tower with a conical red tiled roof. It was old, still in good shape but on the verge of falling into disrepair. It had a fantasy quality about it and Josey was thrilled. It was perched onto the side of the canyon with a rough, hand cut deck that went completely around it.

She ran up to Clark, tugged on him and laughed. "It's a castle from the olden days!"

He unlocked the door and pushed it open. It was dark and musty inside.

"Sorry, the lights are turned off."

Stumbling in the dark, he sorted blindly in some drawers until he found the box of candles. He lit one and the small place went aglow. Everything inside was white adobe with dark woodwork.

"I think it was built in the thirties."

Josey took the rest of the candles and put them around the room. There was a comfortable bed pushed up against a large window. Clark kicked off his shoes and they both settled into the bed. They embraced.

He called her Little Girl and to please him, Josey accepted and assumed the gender. For Clark, he became his little girl.


The man drank from a small bottle of vodka and heaved a sigh of relaxation. Josey reached for it and cautiously tipped the bottle to take a sip. She grimaced and then took another.

"Yeah, that stuff 'll make you into a whore. I like that sort of thing just don't drink it all."

Josey half choked and handed the bottle back to him.

She lifted his feet one at a time allowing Josey to undress him.

Being naked together exaggerated the differences between each other. Clark was strong muscular and just a bit hairy. He smelled strong too. It was a smell that was rare in Josey's life but he found it incredibly intoxicating. The girlish boy didn't seem to have a single hair on her slender, featureless body. She climbed over Clark as he lay and took hold of his stiff cock, tugging and stroking on it.

Laying back with his head on the pillow, he said in his calm masculine voice, "Sit your pussy right down here.” Clark pointed to his tongue.”

In the same calming voice he said, “Relax Little Girl. You have nothing to worry about because you are with me.”


Up to this point Josey's idea of love was very different than what was happening to her at that moment. She imagined love to be romantic like the fantasies out of books or movies. It was like what Jennifer, her mother was hoping for to make them a home, but men came and went and it just never happened.

But then, Clark was interested in her. His like for her seemed so genuine. He was patient, incredibly self-confident and very much a man that needed and wanted to get off. Clark was merging Josey's childish romanticism together with his own animal desire. It was a potent brew and it would change Josey forever.


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Clark and Josey dallied throughout the rest of the night.  With Josey helping, he had cum more than once so there was no urgency in conquest or masculine accomplishment other than to comfort and stroke each other.  As it slowly got light their forms became more distinct and it magnified the profound  differences between them.  Josey imagined Clark to be the father that had suddenly returned to replace a missing part of her life.  For Clark, Josey was a chance to hold something beautiful and delicate without being compelled to destroy it.  They each had something special for the other and it was forming a real and substantial connection.

"Josey honey, let me sleep for a few hours and I'll get you home by early afternoon."  

Josey curled up with in the warm well between his strong legs, softly breathing chest and protection of his arms.  Josey thought that this must be the safest place in the world.


"Where the hell have you been! I woke up and when I saw that you had gone out I kept expecting you to be back any minute and that was hours ago.  What time did you go out?"

Jennifer still in bed and in a lousy mood and most probably hung-over. "Hand me my cigarettes!"

Josey surveyed the messy room. "I don't know, I went out real early. Do you remember vomiting?"

Jennifer produced a regretful frown in thinking that maybe it would have been better not to remember anything.  There was a nagging fear that vomiting into a plastic tub was low on the list of personal transgressions.

Jennifer was sitting on the bare mattress with knees pulled up close. "Josey, Barney and I are getting married.  I'm going to give notice on the apartment later today."

The boy was struck silent.

Jennifer saw it and then said loudly, "I'm doing it for you, God damn it! This way the state can never separate us. God damn it Josey, do you want them to put you in somebody's else's home or worse!"

Josey's voice was always soft but this time hollow and insubstantial.  "Do you want anything from the store downstairs?"

The frail boy was heading out the door when his mother called after him.  "Come right back, I need your help getting this crap out of here. Barney's coming over later with a van."

Out on the street, he sat on the bench as if he was waiting for a bus.  One after another passed by.  It would be a full 12 hours before he could re-connect with Clark and even that wasn't sure. Clark was secretive and unpredictable.  Josey looked down at the crumpled hundred bill in his hand.  He would never dream of asking but Clark always made sure he had some pocket money and one hundred dollars was more than he had ever had. It was enough for 4 days in a cheap motel.  When Spike sat down next to him he closed his hand and put it back in his pocket.

"What's up?"

Spike was the punkish boy he had had awkward sex with once before. "Hey, if you got some money, I know where we can get some really good crystal."

Josey shook his head no..

Spike looked down a bit in an effort to see into the Josey's face. 

"Well what the fuck is your problem?"

Spike's lack of empathy was legion and characteristic of a full on crystal addiction.

"Later dude!"


Barney was in a good humor when he came with the van.  The two of them had only about a half dozen boxes between them.  Barney was eager to help. You could say that he was in a jocular and joking mood.

"It 'll be like having a family again.  You know Jennifer, that's what I am, I'm a family man." 

Josey sat in the back of the van behind the front seat where his mother was sitting. Barney was plying the van through traffic.

Barney went into it.  "We could even think about havin a kid between us, What do you think Jennifer?"

She gave him a smile that seemed fake somehow.

"Well I guess I got some work ahead of me if you know what I mean!"

This was followed with gales of Barney's laughter.

To Josey, it sounded like the bark of a mad dog and he thought he might actually throw-up if Barney  didn't stop.


Barney's house was small and had only had 2 bedrooms. 

He pointed to the half opened door of a darken bedroom and said, "This is going to be our palace, isn't that right Jennifer?"

This was followed with more obnoxious laughter.  

Pointing to the only other bedroom, he said,

"Richie and Eddie set up a cot for Josey and he only has to share the room on the week-ends when my boys come down.  The rest of the week they stay with their mother."

Josey's eyes got wide but he said nothing.


Josey snuck out of sight and cautiously picked up the phone.  Clark answered. 

"No can do honey, I can't connect with you tonight and not sure about tomorrow night either but call me anyway."

Josey's heart sunk and a sort of depression began to take hold of his being.  He felt like his identity was being drained away into the walls of this cold and ugly house.

There was much loud talking and guffaws in the living room because Barney's two sons, Richie and Eddie had just arrived.

The kitchen hadn't been set up for Jennifer yet so they ordered Chinese from the Lucky Garden.  The table had been set up to christen Barney's new family.  He sat at the head with Josey's mother next to him.  This allowed Barney to periodically hug her and carry on with his boys.

"Eddie, tell everyone about your new girlfriend."

Eddie gave a shitting eating grin and shook his head in vague embarrassment.

"He's too proud so I'll do it. This girl is a real knock-out!  You should see her."

Barney then made the curvy, hour-glass shaped, gesture with his hands and then laughed. "Ya know what I mean?"

Sitting at the table with all these strange people caused Josey to feel like he was small and inessential.

"I always knew that both of them were going to be good cocksmen."

He covered his mouth with his hand in mock embarrassment. "Oops, excuse me!" and then, more laughter.


After dinner everyone, including Josey, was employed doing home organizing chores to make room for the two new family members.  Josey was wishing he was dead.

Barney surveyed the boys bedroom.  "Well both my boys are almost through their growth spurt so they'll get the beds and the cot is more Josey's size.  He can always move onto one of the beds during the week when the boys are at their mother's."

Barney gave Josey a bottom drawer of one of the dressers for his small amount of clothes. 

"I want you scumbags to cooperate with each other.  Keep it neat and organized."  

Eddie and Richie were servile and obedient.  Josey remained silent.  He had never been referred to as a scumbag before.  

During dinner Josey kept to himself but several times his eyes met with Richie's or Eddie's and they locked for just a split second.   Why was he the only one who could he that he had become prey.  Why didn't Jennifer who had over-protected him his whole life, not see that her boy was in danger.

Barney held up a bottle.  "They can have just one and sometimes two but that's it!"

He handed each of his boys a beer and then offered Josey one.  Josey shook his head, no.

Leaning forward he caught Josey's vacant gaze.

Under his breath he said, "I figured as much."

As the night wore on, Jennifer drank a little too much.  Barney was doing a grotesque mime to a Sinatra song. 

He also had too much to drink and blurted out. "Ok, you guys get out of here it's time for the adults to play."

The three boys filed into the room together and Eddie shut locked the door. Josey knew he was trapped and sat nervously on the cot.  Richie produced two 6-packs that they had smuggled into the room.

Richie the younger more forthright of the two offered Josey a beer. "Come on, have one.  Haven't you ever been drunk before?"

Josey looked up at his captures and said softly, "I have."

"Well, come on, we want to see you get all fucked up, don't we Eddie."

Still looking up at the boys he watched while they pulled off their shirts and up-ended their beers. The room seem to fill with rancid, adolescent sweat.  It hung in the air. 

"You know my dad says that a man needs to jerk off every day and if you don't you'd get all clogged up and you might not be able to fuck right. So we aren't doin anything wrong, isn't that right Eddie?"

Eddie dropped his pants to a pair of loose oversize jockeys and sat on one of the beds. His long cock was evident. 

Richie sat down next to Josey and said. "Now we are just being normal all American boys and if you start screaming like you are a girl because we are doing what is natural then you are the one that is going to look faggy and fuckin stupid."

Eddie lifted his legs and slipped off his jockeys, adjusted his big balls and started jerking off.

Richie reached down into his pants and started pulling on his cock.  His pants and jockeys dropped and he stepped out of them leaving him naked and hard inched away from Josey. 

"Richie was smiling.  "You like it?  All's you have to do is say ahh." 

The rude scent of uncut dick was apparent.  Josey was sitting in a room with two naked boys that were jerking off.  A straight boy might comply using alcohol as an excuse but Josey was afraid.

Richie sat down next to Josey and pulled him close and whispered in his ear.  "Josey, You're not so bad, we aren't gonna hurt you. Josey me and Eddie just want to get off.  Nothin more than that."

Richie sounded almost human and the talk relaxed Josey a little.  "Come on, have just one beer and you'll get in the mood."

Richie had put his arm around Josey and looking at his brother said, "Me and Josey are like good buddies."

Looking at his captive he said, "Aren't we Josey?"

Richie took Josey's hand and placed in on his cock. "Come on, you want to do it and I won't think any less of you if you do it."

Richie moved Josey over to Eddie's bed where he lay jerking off.  Richie watched while Josey up-ended the beer.  Eddie opened another one for him.

Feeling better, Josey turned to face Richie and opened her mouth. 

Richie slid his stiff cock in and looking over at Eddie said, "Worked like a charm.."


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Once Josey relented the two cocky boys took him over and used him for the simple purpose of getting off.  Richie held his head tightly in place and then fucked him in the mouth.  Then he guided him to lick his balls while he jerked off.  Arrogant and smiling, Richie looked towards Eddie for approval.

Eddie got up and stroking his cock, looked for a place in the action.  Getting behind  him, he tried to open her pants and started to pull them down.

Josey stopped and curling up tight, he spoke up. "No! If you try to fuck me I will fight.  I don't care if they hear me!" 

The two boys were surprised.  They were expecting their victim to broken and totally compliant.   

Richie said in angry whisper. "Fuck you, you fuckin little bitch, You started it and you have to let us finish." 

His voice went back down to a whisper which demonstrated a level of complicity but he made it known that he would go no further than sucking dick.

Without a word they got the message and picked up where they left off. Eddie took Richie's place and pushed his long dick into Josey's mouth and went at it while Richie watched.

Unable to stay out of it, Richie straddled their victim, held him by the hair on top of his head, keeping him in place while Eddie went at it.  They talked softly between each other while they did it and repressed their giddy laughter at Josey's cruel humiliation.

Eddie jerked-off hard and then came directly into his mouth.  Flinging off what cum had gotten on his hand, he moved out of the way and let Richie take his place.  Richie repeated the same action but with an obvious element of contempt.  The boys congratulated each other at a job well done.

Josey was suddenly left alone in their midst.  He sat between them and looked at one and then other.  They had no further use for him.  Richie downed the rest of his beer and crawled onto his own bed.  Eddie laid where he was, wringing out his dick.

Josey went to his cot and lay with his face to the wall.  


Barney was up early and the door opened. "Come on you scumbags, 10 minutes to breakfast!"

Josey lay still and In a child's voice, he murmured to himself, "I'm not a scumbag."

Richie and Eddie got up naked and piss-hard as they had been all during the night.  They generated no small amount of commotion and chaos, getting dressed.  Josey didn't want to get up and lay blankly watching them.

For the first time he thought that on top of looking and acting like a female maybe he really was a faggot? His various encounters had just sort of happened, but he hadn't really thought about actually being gay before.  Richie and Eddie were skinny and lean and they did have big dicks and they took pride in flaunting them.  If they weren't so mean and stupid he might have liked what they made him do.  But they seemed to hate him.  Their father, Barney called him a scumbag and they called him a a faggot and a cocksucker.  

It was strange but he thought of his relationship with Clark as a father thing and not homosexual.  Remembering what Clark had said about wanting to be the first to fuck him is what gave the courage to resist Richie and Eddie.  Josey had already decided that he wanted Clark to be the first.  He considered it a promise and felt bound to it.

Josey's mother, Jennifer looked tired and was trying to conjure the image of being a mother to an unruly clan.  The truth she was faking it and Josey could see it. 

Barney blurted out. "Pancakes all around!"

Josey was wishing he was dead again.  Jennifer touched him on the arm and said under her breath so no one else could hear.

"Josey honey, you didn't even comb your hair."


House cleaning, yard work and even painting was the order of the day.  Barney was running around like a drill sergeant. The truth was that Josey and Jennifer were basically lazy good for nothings so this day was sheer torture. Jennifer was in the house and Josey looked so out of place among Barney and his two boys that were tan and stripped to the waist. Josey was pale and harmless like a ghost in the midst of 3 men.

Besides wishing he was dead the only good thing Josey had to look forward to was that Barney's sons had to go home to their mother's that evening and after midnight he would call Clark and sneak out to meet him.  The thought of meeting him made everything all worth it.

During the day, Richie and Eddie gave the appearance of being all around good kids in helping out, offering practical solutions, lugging things, moving appliances and piles of trash.  They were Barney's right hand. Josey marveled at what chameleons they were. It reminded him of an old B+W movie he had seen on TV, "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." He remembered that the movie had frightened him and he couldn't sleep unless he was cuddled up with his mother.

Barney commandeered Richie.  "I want you to go out to the garage and move any junk out of there and then sweep it clean.  It be real nice to be able to park a car in there again. Be sure to put that rusty old bike in the pile too. Get that useless Josey to help you."

"Ok dad!"

Josey was close enough to hear Barney's blustering bellow. 

Richie had been nice to Josey all day.

He came up to him, and smiled. "Follow me, I need your help."

The house sat at the front of the lot with a driveway on the side.  The stand alone garage was at the back of the property and Josey followed Richie, dreading more shit work.

Josey went into the garage and turned to see Richie locking the door from the inside.  When he first walked in he hadn't noticed that Eddie standing there.   He was jerking off.  Richie manhandled Josey up against the wall and then pushed him down.  He smacked him lightly to direct his attention and then pushed his cock into Josey's mouth.  These guys were just plain bad news.

Eddie was stroking hard. "Come on Richie, make it quick before the old man comes lookin."

Richie came on all over Josey's face and Eddie hastily moved in. To say that the whole thing lasted more than 5 minutes would have been an exaggeration.

Before they left, Richie turned to say, "I wish no one else was here cause I wanted to kick the fuckin shit out of you and then fuck your faggot ass.  Just you wait, there's plenty of time, Josephine!"


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By early evening, Barney took the boys back to the their mother's house in Glendora, out in the Valley. Jennifer guessed that he'd probably be gone 2 or 3 hours. She poured a glass of vodka and split it with water.

Josey sat quietly and finally said, “I don't like it here.”

Jennifer turned and angrily said, “What's your problem? You don't have to sleep with him.”

She was resentful and her voice was in a low, sullen register. “We have to figure a way out of this.”

The alcohol had created a troubling rift between mother and son but it was much worse than that.  She had no idea of what Josey had gone through in the company of Barney's two sons and there was no way he could tell her.  Josey had already been broken and he knew that when they came back on the week-end, there would be more of the same.


Both Richie's and Eddie's scent was strong in the small room from underwear, tee-shirts and rancid sweat. Josey opened the window. He didn't want to sleep on either of their beds so he stayed on the cot. It was the only thing in the house that seemed like it was his and his alone.

About 10, Josey got up to call Clark.  Jennifer was still sitting there. He picked up the phone and turned so his mother couldn't hear.

At some other time she might have protested or said, “Who you callin?”  but she just sat still, sipped her drink and said, nothing.

It rang and rang and rang but no answer.

Barney came home and they went into the bedroom, Josey got up and tried the phone again. No answer, no answer, no answer.

Josey sat in the dark room staring at the dark paneled wall that separate the two bedrooms. He could hear them but not clearly.  They were drinking and talking.  Josey tried to ignore it and looked out the window instead. There was traffic along Olympic Blvd and the lights made it almost like daylight.  Josey crept back out into the living room and tried to call Clark again.  He might just have walked in.

He returned to the bedroom and sat listening and looking at the wall that separated the two rooms. There was silence then some talk and bumps and thuds.  Josey crawled onto Richie's bed and put his ear up against the wall.  His mother's voice was shrill and Barney's was low, rumbling and indistinct.  It was punctuated with that awful laugh of his.

He heard his mother say, “Oh Barney, no! Will you get over that shit.”

There were more bumps and the trivial crash of a metal ashtray, then it started.  It rattled the wall and went on and on, stopped and then started again.  Josey moved back and away from the wall and just looked at it. It started up again increasing its rate.  It concluded with a prolonged rumbling moan and a final gasp and then the room was quiet.

Josey hated Barney.


He lay looking out the window for hours until he slowly pulled down his pants and then got undressed.  He was preparing to jerk off.  Josey reached down into the backpack her mother had gotten him for going to the beach and retrieved the vibrator he had stolen.  This was the new way.  He slid it in and out of himself and thought of Clark.  Clark would do that for her and he would take care of her and protect her.  It was a cure for the pain.  She needed to feel better and shed all the chaos that was happening around her.  Doing this, she let herself dream about another place that was far away.  She lay on the small cot, stroked and soothed her soft body.  She thought about the castle in the canyon.  Clark was a giant of a man and she was longing for his warm comforting voice.

The experience wasn't at all frenzied like the shaking of the bedroom wall.  Josey had learned to relax and penetrate himself in a soothing rhythm until gradually  and slowly it rose up inside of him and peacefully released long streams of clear sweet liquid.  

Finally, Josey slept.


With the boys gone and Barney at work during the day, both Josey and his mother just sat around. Jennifer didn't fit in any better than Josey did.

She looked at her son. "Josey, let's get out of here. Maybe if we go to the beach we'll both feel better."

They gathered their things and caught a bus to Venice.  Laying in the sun near the water, Jennifer was already starting to look a lot better.

"If we got homeless again, it's ok and I'd help us find a place."

Jennifer smiled at her son. "I know you would but just give me a little more time." 

"Don't you see how fucked up this whole thing is?"

She laughed, "Josey, your too sweet to use that kind of language but you're right, it is fuck-up."

Getting suddenly serious, she came closer to Josey. "You're right, we gotta find a way out of this."


Some people have one drink and get festive, funny and sometimes, sad.   Others turn mean and hostile.  It was becoming increasing evident that Barney was one of the latter. 

He expected dinner when he got home and required that it be sit down so that he could lord over all his subjects.  On this night, for some reason, he had it in for Josey. He was sullen and narrowed his eyes at the boy. 

Dropping his utensils on the plate he harshly announced, "It's time that me and Josey here have a little talk."

When Jennifer tried to stop him, he yelled, "This is my house and what I say goes!"

He manhandled the boy out to the garage away from Jennifer's interference. Locking the door behind them was dreadful and eerily familiar.

"So tell me Joseph, just what do you plan to do while you are living in my house?  Do you think I would let my boys sit around and jerk off all day? No, they'd get out and get a job and bring their pay checks back to me.  Tell me why I should expect any less from you?"

He cornered the cowering Josey.

"Do me the courtesy of looking at me when I'm taking to you."

Barney gave the impression of being completely exasperated.  But they had only been in the garage for a couple of minutes.  His exasperation was premature because then he began saying what he really wanted to say along. 

"You think you are fooling me and my boys the same way that you fooled your mother but you're not fooling me for a second. I know what you are all about, acting like a girl when your are really a pathetic weakling and a coward, you disgust me."

Holding Josey by his shoulders, Barney began shaking him hard as if this was going to knock sense into him.  Out of fear or desperation, Josey began to cry.

"Look at you! You're lucky that you aren't one of my sons because you'd get the strap across your ass."  He fingered the belt around his own waist as if he was preparing to unfurl it."

Jennifer was yelling and banging on the garage door.

"You watch your step you little faggot and keep your filthy hands off of my boys!"

When he unlatched the door, Jennifer came in and Josey quickly slipped by her.  He ran back into the house, into the bedroom and slammed the door.


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Josey retrieve his backpack where he had hidden the100 dollar bill that Clark had given him.  Opening the bedroom window Josey climbed out took off into the night. He walked down Olympic Blvd towards Venice. It was getting cool in the California night and all Josey had on was a thin tee-shirt, cotton shorts and sneakers. He felt like a hunted and desperate animal.

The Venice boardwalk, usually festive was closed up tight at night because of roaming gangs.  Unlike today, there were phone booths everywhere and every time Josey saw one, he stopped to call Clark. He finally settled on Denny's Restaurant. Ordering a meal, He finally broke the 100 dollar bill that Clark had given him. He didn't want to but there was no other choice. He thought of his mother Jennifer and imagined that he could fly up in the sky and rescue her from Barney and his sons but he was a weakling and probably was a coward. 

He thought for a moment and then said again softly to himself, "I'm not a scumbag."

Time dragged by so slow until the waitress kept looking at him as if to say, You've eaten, now get the hell out of here! 

She leaned over at him and sternly said. "Can I get you anything else?"

He ordered dessert.  It was some kind of stale cake.  He didn't eat it.

At each turn, Josey went over to the phone booth and called Clark. It was so feudal.

He started looking at the Starlight Motel across the street and though that at least he could stay warm and watch TV.

The man at the desk said, "Sorry, we don't take unaccompanied minors."

Downtrodden, Joseys said, can I use your phone?


Josey put 2 quarters in and Clark answered.

Josey just broke down and started crying.

Clark had to break in. "Hold it together, tell me where you are and I'll pick you up."


The black car pulled around and the small pale figure climbed in the passenger side.  He placed his head in Clark's lap and sobbed. 

He turned the car towards the beach and stroked Josey's blond hair. "Ok little girl, I'm going to give you a few minutes and then you're going to pull it together and tell me what's goin on.

After a few miles up the coast he sat up and tried to dry his eyes. 

Clark looked at her and softly said. "Josey, you haven't the slightest idea how incredible beautiful you are."

Aside from his momentary emotional break-down he gave Clark a puzzled look.

He brushed his cheek.

"You really don't, do you?"

It was difficult and frustrating for Clark to get it out of him but gradually he got the gist of Josey's situation. 

"Just for the record, where's does this Barney work, maybe I can make his life miserable?"

"Um.. He owns Walsh Laundromat Repair Service in Culver City.    

Clark kept his eyes on the road.  "Josey, my little girl,  I've heard all these stories before. You aren't telling me anything new except life is fucked-up. There's nothing more to it.  The only thing that counts in life is money, then sex, then pleasure and happiness and how to get it without getting caught."

He looked over at Josey and said, "That's all there is to it, so get away from the bad things go after what makes you happy and everything else is just,...."dust in the wind."

Josey had never had anyone tell him the realities of life before. 

"But what if you're trapped and you can't get out?"

Without looking at him he said, "Trapped?  How can a pretty thing like you be trapped?  I can't believe that there is anyone who doesn't want to get into your panties.  That in itself, is power you can't buy.  It is a gift that came from God or more probably the Devil himself. Somebody told you are nothing and you believed them and I am here to tell you it's a fuckin lie."

Josey went on to explain his dire situation.  She started to cry because she couldn't explain things coherently.

"Little Girl, it's just practice for getting along in life. I think you are doing pretty good. Granted you got dealt a shitty hand but so far so good."

Josey sought shelter under Clark's arm just as he made turn to go up the canyon road.

Holding on to him the close physical contact let his warm voice resonating through Josey's body.

He calmly spoke to her. "You don't know it but you have a dark guardian." There was a long pause.

She broke the silence." what do you mean?"

There was another very long silence until finally,  "Josey, I can make things happen and I am sorry but most of the time they are awful things and once they happen you can't take them back and there are consequences that need careful thought."

Josey realized the gravity of what Clark had just told him. He was silent for long while. 

Clark went on. "In the mean time, be strong. It's no good if every time you get into a difficult situation someone comes along and bails you out.  It's ok to be weak in bed but not out in the street."


Clark turned the key in the door and clicked on the light. Josey looked at the compact living/bedroom that comprised the main room of the small round house. 

"I had the lights and the water turned and some cleaners showed up to make the place tidy."  

Josey was in awe. She hugged Clark.

"You know what?"

"What Josey?"

"You know what, I like it in candle light better. It is how I remember it's and how I dreamed about it."

"Suit yourself Princess, there's more candles, and while you're at it, take off those clothes."

Clark kicked off his shoes and pulled a bottle of pint of vodka out of the freezer. "Get naked and humor me.  I've had a hard few days and I need to be soothed and played with."  

They both crawled onto the comfortable bed that had been spread with new bedding.  Clark gave a sigh of relief and Josey cooed with delight. She cuddled the man.  




He looked a Josey curled up in between his muscular legs.

"You can do anything you want to me. When I am with you I am not afraid."

She lifted both legs offering herself to him.  Clark liked Josey and this was just the sort of behavior that pleased him. He pushed her legs back further. He called it her pussy.  Josey reached back and tugged her backpack closer and then produced the vibrator he had stolen from his mother.

"Now you're talkin.  Josey, you and me are going to make some real progress tonight."

He used the smooth vibrator to open her up and get her used to being penetrated. Clark had no desire to perpetrate a physical trauma on Josey so this was a necessary step.

Clark had animal qualities and using his tongue and spitting into her pussy gave him immense pleasure.  It was a timeless exercise that he did not tire of.  After a bit, they re-positioned.  He sat back and Josey lowered herself in front of him.

"That's right, sit yourself down on it.  Do it slowly taking as much as you are able."

Josey was straining and looking into his eyes. She was letting Clark go up inside of her.

"Clark gave out brief laugh, "Josey, what kind of face is that? I promise you will love this and want it from me more than anything else but it takes a little time."

He held her by her waist. His cock was moving just slightly but it was all the way up inside of her. They were looking into each other's eyes.  

"Josey, I don't have to do anything to cum.  I can will it to happen and I am going to christen your bottom now.  

His cock strained inside of her and then strained again and again until she felt herself being flooded with Clark's warm fluid.  There was an intense tremor that seemed to go through both of them in waves and then, it was over.  

They lay together with Clarks arms around Josey.

His cock never subsided, it stayed entirely stiff and when Josey started to slowly disengage, Clark held her. "Not yet, jerk yourself off first. I want you to feel my cock up your ass when you cum."  

It was quick and Josey's thin cum peed out all over his chest.     

It was only after she dismounted that Clark's syrupy cum ran all down her legs in a messy torrent.  

"Sorry, I was savin it up for you".


In the corner, not so far from the bed was a small adobe fireplace built into the wall. Clark put in a few pieces of wood and started it.  They shared some treats and Clark drank his vodka from the pint. 

"Here, have just enough to forget about all the assholes in your life."

Josey stayed close to him so that their bodies were constantly touching. She didn't like Vodka but drank a little.

"When do I have to get you back into town?"

Josey shrugged his shoulders.

Clark studied her for a moment." Well I'm not taken you back to night, I still have more fuckin to do and at least one more in the morning but considering your situation why don't you give them a scare and go back in a couple of days."  

She gave him a smile."I like both."

They laughed and crawled back into bed.


They had been asleep. The room was dark, the fire had gone out and the only light was a misty grey light from the large window. It made the objects in the room into mysterious silhouettes.

Clark's cock was big and hard and hot.  He rubbed it on Josey's face and then pushed it into her mouth.  Josey was erect too. Curiously, they had become anonymous to each other and the only thing that mattered was animalistic sex.  It was like a vivid, filthy dream that was so compelling that it was beautiful.  She lay on her belly and pushed her ass up high to meet the dangerous dark man behind her.  Lavished with spit he began to penetrate her and then began the fuck.  She moaned and cried out but stayed in place. The man growled and grunted and lorded over her and she reveled in it.  From above the little house was isolated and except for the trafficked road at the top so no one even knew it was there. The girl had be set upon by a wonderful vicious beast who was fucking her hard and might even kill her when he was done.

This was the night that changed Josey's life forever.    


The two slept until late afternoon, then rose to bathe and eat.  Clark seemed just as enamored with Josey as before but Josey was intoxicated with Clark. 

"Over Clark's instant coffee and Josey's orange juice, she said. "You can do anything you want to me, anything."

He smiled and nodded approval.

"Little girl, you need a trip to the Mall. You are wearing shit clothes and it says your mother isn't looking out for you."    

"She can't help it. You know, we were homeless for awhile."

"Well that's a big plus for you Josey, you can't get pregnant.  That's where your mother fucked-up.  I'm not sayin that the world isn't a better place with you in it, but your mother fucked up and she did it again when she married that asshole,..but that is none of my business."

"She always loved me and she never put me down and when I started turning girlish. she's always loved me no matter what."

"Alright little girl, let's go to the mall."


Josey was somewhere between boys and men sizes but he kept going over to the girl's side and looking at those clothes.  They kind of looked like boy's clothes but colors were more feminine. They bought pants, shirts and a few girly tops.

"Josey, I'm gonna call Mia, she knows all about this kind of stuff and I'll get her to take you out."

Josey thought, here is a man who doesn't mind if I'm girlish or that I am all fucked up.

For the first time in his life he began to consider the possibilities.

They did go to one more shop. A lingerie shop with scanty panties and the like.  Mia will take you here too but there is one thing I like. 

It was a set of black panties, garter belts stockings and bra.

Clark whispered to her. "This is the kind of stuff I'd like to see you wearing."

The woman behind the counter asked, "What is the lady's size?"

Clark said, "Oh, it's for him."

 The lady looked at Josey , then at Clark and the back at Josey. She gave Clark the proper size.

When they got out of the store, Josey laughed out loud. "Josey, they are so use to that.   They just act embarrassed to add to the excitement."

Out in the middle of the mall pedestrian traffic, Josey tugged at Clark's arm like he wanted to whisper a secret to him. He bend down a little closer.

Josey said softly into his ear. "I am so glad I met you."


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Josey walked across the patch of brown lawn.  It was Friday and Richie and Eddie arrived and were helping Barney load debris into the van.  Both Boys had to strain to lift several heavy motors into the back of the van. They weighed almost 200lbs each. There were about a dozen of them out back and Barney mentioned that he'd get rid of them 3 or 4 at a time.

He saw Josey returning after being missing for more than 4 days and he muttered under his breath to Richie and Eddie. 

Jennifer's ran to meet him.  She hugged Josey tight and said, "Where have you been?  Jesus, I was so worried."

Being under Barney's glowering gaze was enough reason to move inside.  Jennifer immediately noticed something Barney would not have noticed.  Josey's was wearing all new clothes.

She hugged him again "Oh god, I was so worried. You could have just called and hung up if Barney answered." 

Jennifer had been alone with Barney for days and probably lost without Josey's support. "Let me get you something to eat."

"No, I'm ok, I'm not really hungry." 

He didn't look hungry and he actually looked a lot better.  But not Jennifer, she looked haggard.

He was wearing new shorts that fit very tight along the thigh and a boy's shirt but is had brocade around the neck and at the ends of the sleeves.  He had a school girl look.

"Where were you?"  Josey wouldn't tell her.

Jennifer asked, "Josey honey, who bought you these clothes?"

She remembered back to her own youth when a man she had sex with had given her new clothes. She knew that she had to do something to get those clothes, but then Josey is a boy?  She put the thought out of her mind.   He was in sore need of clothes anyway.


It could be mine-field being around Barney but his sons eased his temper and were a good distraction.  He calmed down and they would engage in man talk.  Barney tried to not look at or acknowledge Josey and that sort of worked both ways.  Josey stayed out of his way and Barney appeared to be preoccupied with other things.

Barney took off to the dump to get rid of some of the old motors.  As soon as the van rolled out the driveway,  Richie and Eddie began to stalk Josey around the house.  They were cagy and bold.  No words were exchanged but Josey knew he had suddenly become prey again.  Eddie shook his dick in his pants and gave Josey a rude smile. Richie was moving in from the other side.  When Josey slipped away, the whole drama would start all over again increasing and doubling the sexual tension. 

Jennifer had been settled in the living room with her first drink of the day.  It was amazing that she was oblivious to what was going on in plain sight all around her. 

To the boys, this was the most exciting game and it got their dicks up and so hard that they could almost taste it.  Josey didn't mean to but he made it worse by falling into the role of a hunted rabbit and giving them what they wanted, fear.

With Richie on one side and Eddie on the other, they corralled Josey into the narrow bathroom, shutting and locking the door.  Josey was trapped and they moved in.  The two boys took turns fucking Josey in the mouth. They liked it and Richie confessed that Eddie's girlfriend belonged to both of them too and that she received the same treatment and that she couldn't get enough of their dick.  Josey sat on the toilet and they faced  him in turn, laughing and joking.

His eyes looked down at the cock going in and out of his mouth and then up at their cruel, joking faces.  Josey realized that this was going to happen every day and every night and it was only a matter of time before they would start fucking him.  

To quote Richie, We'll make you into a spit roast." This image caused Richie cum all over the front of Josey's shirt.

Eddie moved in to take his place.

They had forgotten the time and suddenly there was a loud pounding at the door.  Both boys panicked knowing that it was their father.  There was no choice and opening the door, they pushed passed Barney, ran through the house and out the front door.  

Barney stood there and looked around the small bathroom. "What's goin on here?"

 Josey sat forlornly on the toilet.  His blond hair was sticking up all over and the front of his shirt was wet.  Barney slowly turned and locked the bathroom door.  There was a loud racket and crash followed with Josey screaming at the top of his lungs.  Jennifer came in and started banging on the door. 

"Barney, open the door."

Josey was screaming.

"Barney, Josey's my kid, not yours!" She continued and was joined by Richie and Eddie fearing even worse trouble for their old man.  They came and finally broke the door down.  

For the third time Josey fled.  The boy's nose was bloody and one eye was red and would certainly turn  black.  He had burses and rough marks and blood all over his new clothes.  He didn't stop running until he got all the way down to Lincoln Blvd. Josey stopped and spit bloody spittle into the gutter. He called Clark.


Clark sped up the canyon road. "God damn it Josey! I got things I have to do and a lot of times they can't wait on your troubles.  I can't have this kind of distraction.  Look, we can get together when it is right for me and no other time. I am sorry that is just the way it is.

He parked and pick Josey up and carried her down the stairs to the little round house.  

He kissed her and lay her the bed.  "I'm sorry little girl but I'll be gone for 3 or 4 days but when I get back I promise I'll treat you right." 

He leaned over to her and said, "This is for you so you can come here and wait for me any time you want."  He pressed the silver key into her hand, kissed her again and went out the door.  

Josey sat alone, cried a little and then looked out the large window. 


She bathed in a small bath that was only a few steps below the house and out in the open.  There was a deck where she could lay out naked in the sun.  This was like no other place she had ever lived.  The sage brush was all around bordering the steps up to the road and  then it went all the way down to the canyon floor.  She dressed in other clothes they had bought that Clark said she could leave there. 

She explored the woody paths that lead down to the bottom of the canyon and there she and found a stream that was no more than trickle.  She knew that it flowed for a few more miles, then under the big highway and finally into the ocean.  Like most young people being alone for long stretches of time was a hardship.  It didn't have to be a large group but one or two would be good.  She called and her mother answered.

"Josey, are you alright?"

At this point Jennifer wasn't going to inquire why or where her son was just as long as he was safe."

Jennifer was crying. "I have to do something, It's not safe for you here. Barney's out of control and he's threatened to call the police if you come on the property.  I kept telling him that you're only a boy."

Josey was safe and no longer worried.  She decided to put the phone call to her mother out of her mind.


By the third morning, the phone rang. "Hi little girl, how you doin?"

Josey was so glad to hear from Clark. "I'm ok."

"I got bad news, I'm still tied up and won't be back for another 4 days, its business."

"I'm ok but I miss you."

"Yeah, me too."

"I tried on that lingerie you bought me and I want to wear it for you when you get back."

"Josey, stop it, you're giving me a hard-on." He laughed.


Clark surprised Josey by showing up around 9 that evening.

"No, I don't have time to fuck around, I got to get you back now so get your things and lets go."

In the car on their way down the canyon, "Clark, I'm afraid to go back I called my mother and she said that Barney was gonna call the police if I came back."

Clark seemed angry. "Little girl, you are going to have to learn how to confront problems squarely and fight for yourself." 

"My mother said that Barney said he was going to call the police if I came back."

"Good, let that fuckin pussy call the cops and you tell the cops how he tried to fuck you up your ass and see how fuckin scared he'll get.  My point is that you have stand and fight."

This was something Josey hadn't even considered.

"It might not work because you're a boy but it sure can muddy the waters."

Now they were heading down Olympic Blvd getting closer to the house.

"Josey, I got my own shit goin on but if things get bad, you got a key to the canyon house but let me deal with my shit and you do the same."

He didn't drive up the street but dropped her off on the Blvd.  Josey was tense and apprehensive.  He walked towards the shabby house and immediately saw that Barney's van was gone.  That was a good sign and both boys were probably back at their mother's.  Josey and Jennifer hugged. 

Just as Josey was settling in to spend time with his mother, a black and white cruiser drove up front and two cops got out and came to the door.

The cop addressed his mother. "Mrs. Walsh?"

Josey had never heard his mother referred to as Mrs. Walsh before.

"Is Bernard Walsh you husband?"

She looked slightly embarrassed not being used to or even liking the name.


Your husband has been in an accident.  I'm afraid that he is dead.

Jennifer was stunned. "What happened?"

Perhaps I shouldn't go into details.  It could be upsetting to your daughter."

"My son is old enough, thank you very much, now what happened?"

We are pretty sure that his brakes went out going down Decker canyon out in Malibu and the van went off the road, hit ledge about a hundred feet down then flipped several times before it hit the bottom.  The problem was that there were these heavy machines or motors rolling around inside and your husband was crushed multiple times.

"We'd like you to come down an identify the body but I'm afraid he pretty unrecognizable."

"No way! I don't want to do it, I'll get the address of his boys or his ex-wife."

In just a single moment, both their lives had changed.


Putting a bed out in the living room, Mother and son slept together for the first time in a long while. They cuddled and comforted each other.

"Josey, I am so sorry. I was stupid but I really thought that I was making things better for both of us."

Josey said, "I'm glad he got killed."

"You shouldn't say things like that but we could make an exception where Barney's concerned."

Jennifer sat up as if she had some incredible realization.  "Josey I was thinking that we'd probably have to go looking for a new place to live but Barney owned this house free and clear and now it's ours."

Josey was not impressed. "I hate this place."

"Well, we could sell it and move somewhere else."

Josey was thinking about Clark again."Yeah, I guess."


The next day, a rusty Chevy Vega pulled into the drive way.  A woman with a large ass and tight Capri pants got out of the car. She had on a dark multicolored top, large sunglasses, tons of cheap jewelry and was heavily made-up.  With her were Barney's two boys Richie and Eddie.   

She walked up to Josey and said, "Come on, get your things, it's time to get out of here, make it snappy I don't have all day.  Come on get a move on before I call the police."

At this point she confronted Jennifer. 

The woman continued with rapid fire commands. "You too, come on collect your things. I want both of you out of here in 15 minutes, I don't have all day. This house belongs to Barney's sons.”

Even Richie and Eddie appeared to be slightly embarrassed but they backed her up.

"What did I just say! Come on, get a move on!  This is not your property and I want both of you off the premises immediately!"

The woman didn't call the police but one of the neighbors did and two cruisers showed up. They divided them into two groups and separated them .

"She not even married to him, He's dead and now this house belongs to his sons!"

The world weary cop who appeared to be in charge looked at Jennifer. "Do you have a marriage certificate?”

She produced a paper from a civil ceremony.  Josey was surprised because he didn't really think that his mother actually married him.

The officer call for the attention of the entire group.

"The State of California has simple remedies for all these problem and they are written very specifically in the law.  You people have two choices. Come with me and fill out restraining orders on each other or go home and lawyer-up or both.  I don't have time for this shit so I suggest that the lady and her sons go off this property until this situation is resolved and all of you hire lawyers to have this situation probated.”


Jennifer got some legal aid.  The lawyer said, the way it stands now is that you have to buy the boys out or they have to buy you out and it looks like all parties involved are broke.  But you might consider this. Your husband also owned a business that is about equal in value to the house. perhaps you should trade them your share for their share in the house?

And that's what they did. Together they discarded all of barneys old stuff, cleaned and painted and made the house their own.

 One day, one of Barney's employees came to pay his respects. "Oh Barney was impossible to get along with and sometimes treated people bad, even me, but he's gone now so why hold a grudge."

He seemed like very a nice person. 

He went on."One thing I don't understand is what he was doing 30 miles out in Malibu. He had a really important appointment in West Covina and he was supposed to get paid but he never showed up."

As he walked away, he was shaking his head saying, "It just doesn't make sense."

Josey thought for awhile and then realized what had happened.  It had been his dark protector all long.  

Jennifer was smiling, almost happy. Which color do you like, this one or this one?

She said nothing to her mother.


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Barney left a small bank account of a couple of thousand dollars.  That was more money than Jennifer had seen in years. It comfortably paid the bills, bought food and movie tickets and would take care of them for maybe 6 months until Jennifer could get out to get a job.  

All this was secondary in Josey's mind because in spite of these changes, 2 weeks had gone by and his thoughts about Clark were constantly just below the surface. No one knew about Clark.  He hadn't even told Jennifer about him.  How could he tell his mother that he had been having sex with an older man, a strange man, a man who carried a gun?

Josey called the little house in the canyon 3, 4, 5 times a day and no answer. It weighted on her all the time and he longed to tell him how he felt.  He wanted to tell him that he loved him.  

After three weeks Josey hitchhiked up the Pacific Coast Highway to Topanga and made her way back to the little house. It was strange because he was glad to see the little house that had become his castle but there was a heavy pit in his stomach that kept making him want to just sit down and cry.  Surely he would come back today or maybe tomorrow? He took off all his clothes and lay on the bed that they had shared.  

He would masturbate, imagine him up close behind and sleep and then dream that he had come back.  Because Josey was young the intensity of all these emotions was as sharp as a knife edge and the hurt  inside was as real as anything.  

He stayed there for 2 days and nights and then headed home.


"God damn it Josey!  Why do you go off like this? You're all I have and I worry myself sick." 

Now she was crying and needed her son to comfort her. "Barney is gone and there's no reason to do something like this to me!"

Jennifer didn't quite realize that her child was beginning to grow up and Josey had become just a little taller now and He looking strange like some beautiful being from an alien world.  He was no longer the dirty neglected kid from down the block.   

"Josey, we got more trouble. I got this letter from some high highfalutin lawyer in downtown Los Angeles and we have to go.  I'm afraid that Barney's wife got a high priced lawyer to get us out of this house and if we don't go they will automatically judge against us and we are screwed."

She looked at her son.  "Josey, I can't face living on the street again.  I can't do it."

On the bus on the way down Josey looked at the letter. "Mom, the letter is addressed to me?"

"They made a mistake. You know, I can't believe this.  Life is such a struggle and we have to fight for bits and scraps just to stay afloat. I am so sick and fucking tired of fighting just to survive." She rested her head on her son's shoulder. Jennifer was defeated and weary.


The lawyer's office was posh. It was a prestigious partnership the sort only employed by large businesses.

Jennifer was on the defensive from the start. The lawyer, a Mr. Andresen was finely dressed. "Can I offer you a cup of coffee?"

Jennifer shook her head no.

"Which one of you is Josey Ryder?"

Josey raised her hand slightly but said nothing.

The lawyer looked at Jennifer and said. "And this is your daughter?"

"He's my son God damn it!  And he has the same last name as me because I never got married, now are you satisfied!"

Josey was wondered where her mother had suddenly got all the fight.

The lawyer cleared his throat." Well this is not about you, but about your son. he is here to go over an inheritance left to him by a Mr. Charles Nicoli."

Josey stopped and they turned to look at each other? "Mr. Nicoli was very specific about getting these papers organized and they are complete. His untimely death was unfortunate."

Well this involves several income producing properties, the foremost of which is a 24 unit complex on 23rd Street in Santa Monica.  Another 24 unit complex in Brentwood.  Then there is very valuable acreage on Point Dume in Malibu.  In addition there is a bank account of $575,200.  That has been set up for you Josey."

Both mother and son were speechless.

"I almost forgot. there is a small plot in Topanga canyon that has a structure in disrepair but if the structure is demolished, the property will be reclaimed by the State of California so it's value is negligible.   

It suddenly dawned on Josey that it was Clark. Then the realization came down and crushed him. Clark was dead. The lawyer and Josey's mother were surprised to see him suddenly in tears.

"How did it happen?  How did he die?"

Josey's crying became uncontrolled and Jennifer had to comfort him.  Josey didn't know it yet but from now on, everything was going to be alright.




Josey was finally old enough to drive but he had never gotten around to learning.  There would be time for that.  He would often take a cab up to the little house in Topanga. He would spend the day and sometimes the night. He would light a fire in the small fire place and dream and imaging the Clark would be there soon.  He knew he wouldn't be it was comforting.

When someone moved out, Jennifer and Josey moved into the complex in Brentwood.  It was very nice.  Two floors of apartments around a turquoise pool.  Jennifer had stopped drinking and chose pot instead.  It was much better.  She stood at the door amazed when at the first of the month the tenants brought her their rents.  Josey never cared much about money but he was happy that his mother was finally secure. 

Josey had a new freedom that he hadn't had before so he spent a lot of time in the little house in Topanga.  It was his little house and his alone.

He put the key in the lock and an easy calm settled over him.  He liked being there, but there was something out of place.  It was a note by the telephone.

Little Girl,

Please, please call me!

It gave him a start at first. Clark would always call him little girl but the handwriting was not like his, it was a light and graceful script.

Call me at 457-9263

Josey punched in the number. 

A woman answered. "Oh my God! It's you, I'm so glad you called.  Just give me an hour and I'll be right over.  Sure, I know exactly where it is."


She was a gorgeous woman, dressed impeccably. She bought salads and a bottle of wine. "Well God Damnit! Clark sure can pickem!"

Josey I'm Mia and Clark told me all about you.  I don't always like to hear who he's fuckin but we haven't been a couple for years and we still love each other.

Josey was learning that once you lost someone forever every little detail about them from anyone becomes so precious.

She sat comfortably on the bed with Josey, resting her arm on Josey's thigh in a friendly and familiar way. It relaxed Josey and made him feel that Mia was an old friend.  They shared the salad.

"Little girl, little girl...Oh Josey, that's what he called me.  Little girl and I was even younger then you are now.  Clark was so wonderful wasn't he?"

Her eyes were getting a little red and she pulled out a tissue.  "Josey, I think there was a contract out on him and he knew it was coming. I think they killed him."

She hid her face and then recomposed herself.   

"Godamnit! he was the first man to treat me like a woman and oh god I loved him so much for it. But then I grew up and Clark has this age range that he liked but it was ok because he taught me how to love myself and how to look for men that treated me right.  It sort of went from lover to daughter instead of the other way around.  He became like a father and he'd always looked out for me."

Now they were both crying. Mia laughed, "Pathetic aren't we?"

She pulled Josey to her feet and the two hugged.

"But look at you Josey. Clark was right, you really are a diamond in the rough.  That's why I am here.  Clark wanted me to help you through the rough spots and show you how I came up. I'm going to take you shopping, show you the tricks and introduce you to Dr. Willowbrand but you can chose anyway you want go but one thing is sure, if you want to, you can be, a beautiful woman."  

Josey was amazed and maybe a little star struck.

"Stand back and let me have a look at you."

Mia appraised Josey's physical being.

"Was your dad tall?"

"I don't know?"

Mia, laughed, "Welcome to the club."

"Well it looks like you're going to be tall and in any event, you got excellent proportions."

Josey said, "what about my face?"

Oh lord Josey! Haven't you ever looked in the mirror?  You look like some kind of exotic movie star! and look at the rest of you, slim arms and legs, flat belly and you actually have a round ass.  Godamnit Josey, you got everything!"

She stooped behind Josey, and began to trace the shape of his ass in his pants. "Josey you'll have no time for the cocksuckers.  You must learn how to accentuate your rear, make it prominent, because you got what real men want. They are disgusting pigs and thank god for it.  What a beautiful ass you have."

Mia stood back and admired the boy. "Josey, you are exceptionally lucky and you can take your pick, you can be a boy or a girl.  Whatever you want."

Mia, would become his confident, mentor and even a spare lover and best friend.

Her mother, Jennifer never understood any of it but as long as Josey was happy and the rent was paid, that was all that mattered.  

"What name do you want?  You have to change your name to cast off your old identity? Personally I don't like the name Josephine but it's your choice.  

She smiled a beautiful smile and said, "I like Josey, I will keep that part of me."



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