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David,

 

Yes I had Readers Ranch which unfortunatly ran into some many technical issues I could not overcome them. I am glad you are enjoying it. I will tell a little secret I am currently writing Chapter 2 of Book 2. I have some really cool Ideas and will be working on it in the next couple of months

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  • 2 months later...

Ken, I just started reading Cyclone about 1am this morning. It is now 7:44am and I have not been to sleep. I just hit chapter 12. Frankly, I do not think I am going to get to sleep until I finish the first book. I dare not open book two, until after I get some sleep. I am very much loving this story and the characters. I could so easily see your characters interacting with Tyler and gang from Hydradyn. Wow, what a combo that would be, two mega companies working together. LOL

 

Great flow, great characters, great story and loving every minute of it. I started with your Dawn's Early Light, that I thought was a good reflection of your style. However, I would have to say now that I am reading Cyclone, and have read more of it than DEL thus far, I know I am in for a real treat with DEL going forward, which makes me glad that DEL is not done and chapters come out from time to time, so I do not have to worry about not getting any sleep. LOL

 

Great job and thank you for great stories.

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Hey Ken!

Decided that if we are going to be friends on here and interact in the forums I needed to see what your writing is like. I started with Cyclone because it is finished and I could read through to see your style. I just finished chapter one and will probably be like Zach tonight in that I will probably be up quite awhile reading as much of it as I can. Luckily the company I work for gives us Thursday and Friday off for Thanksgiving. :) 

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Ken, I would like to read Cyclone as it is next on my list but before starting it: is there anything you, as the author, would like me to be aware of, or on the lookout for or anything else which would make the story more interesting? I know this a loaded question, grin...

Mark

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ken,

 

I finished Cyclone and I was right - I had read this before, probably when you first posted it some time ago. I loved it then, and I loved it this time around, as well. As in movies, theatre, TV, or any other kind of entertainment, my first level of evaluation is always - would I want to experience this again? The answer to your story is - yes! And I'm glad I did. Even when I realized half way through I had already read it, I was hooked and had to finish it. I'm a soft touch, so I was crying in places - usually the happy moments. I was anxious and on the edge of my seat when they go into battle in Mexico - even though I already knew the outcome. Now that's good writing. I was reading for the experience of reading, not just to find out the end. Speaking of the ending - I'm glad there is now a book two because just like the first time I read this, I was internally yelling at you for taking us to the brink with what happened to Travis, and then you just sort of ended it. Sure, we know the outcome, but it's so abrupt and then you make us say goodbye long before we are ready to. Not fair, I wasn't done yet, visiting hours were not over...grin. 

 

As far as characters go, my favorite is Carl. I love him! He's that comic foil that keeps everyone else focused and balanced but just not too serious. We all need someone like that around us. I have a character in my story who plays a similar role, and when I write him I get the biggest grin on my face. I love these kind of guys. They make life fun. Rick is special because I'm a sucker for the underdog and the one who is a good guy who just needs a break. No surprise Dale creates a "family" by doing just that. Travis is the guy everyone wants. He's sort of perfect - maybe too perfect. He needs a flaw or a quirk or something that the "family" has to learn to look past or deal with so he's more human. I know this is fiction and your story, so make him to be whatever you want him to be. I just like the characters to have a rough edge or two - since we all have them...grin. Dale was a bit of an enigma at first. The story starts out in the opening paragraphs with Dale coming across - to me, anyway - as slightly arrogant and full of himself. I wasn't sure I liked him. It wasn't until the decision where he promptly resigns his law firm position because nearly 6000 people would lose theirs that I knew he was a good guy. That was character revelation in a single moment - good stuff! He of course goes on to prove himself a very good guy.

 

What I didn't like - and it's very little: There were a lot of characters and relationships, and since none of them, even Dale and Travis, were explored with any real depth given the nature and pace of the story, I was left wanting to know so much more about everyone of them. So either fewer of them or another 30 chapters and I would have been fine...grin. I like them all - they seem like fun and good people - but I want more for each of them. Hopefully Book Two will flesh them out a bit. The relationship with Dale and Travis - it was too sudden for me. Not completely unrealistic, don't get me wrong. I just would have liked to have seen it build a little - like maybe over a month, not in 3 minutes flat. I guess it can happen, and physical desire can be instantaneous, but real love - that takes time to confirm that's what it really is. They have it, and maybe it did happen at first sight - I'm just not sure people realize that quickly. Just a thought. I am glad they are together - they make a great couple and are a formidable duo. That's actually one of the things I liked the most about this story - this duo fighting together. You definitely give us a strong sense of their "togetherness" and I absolutely treasured that aspect of their relationship.

 

My only other quibble is that the story as posted could do with an editor's pen - where is Rilbur with that Big Red Pen he threatened me with? The one "error" that stood out quite a few times for me was the word "where" when you really meant "were". It happened in nearly every chapter. But hey, I have three people edit my stuff - and they are very, very good at what they do - and then I read and re-read a couple more times, and I still find errors after it posts, so...

 

As this looks like it was your first story ever, I applaud your work even more. I may decide to read something else of yours before I tackle Cyclone 2. Maybe something that is already completed. What would you recommend? What is your favorite thing you have written and why?

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Jack,

Wow that is what I call feed back.

 

Cyclone was my first "published" story and I did make a lot of rookie mistakes. I focused more on pacing than the character development, This is something I am trying to correct in book two which is why the chapters are very slow in coming out. Also I was never happy with the speed of Dale and Travis relationship but I wanted "To get it out of the way". 

 

Everyone loves Carl and Rick, I tried to make them as lovable as possible because every story needs a comic and an under dog. Carl handles almost everything thrown him with a smile and a laugh. Rick see's himself as just the lowly cook in a group of very high powered people so he immerses himself in his task and trust me even if dale messed up something in his kitchen there would be hell to pay.

 

Travis is an enigma every time I try to tone him down he comes out even more perfect. Carl's nickname for him "Captain Gorgeous" was originally Captain Perfect but when I wrote it it was too condescending.

I am hoping to explore Travis's family a little more in book two and hopefully that will create a little more of a human element to him. The problem is  I created him as Dale's rock, but I think I made the rock to strong and now I cant find any cracks. 

 

In book two I intend to reduce the core group and then work on them in detail. Book two will focus on Dale, Travis, Carl, Rick and Shane. Oh and of course the ever faithful bodyguard Max.The rest will slowly become supporting characters.

 

Cyclone is the only completed story I have posted. Dawn's early light is an on going part of the Revolutions story.

 

Thank you very very much for the feed back the constructive criticism is always welcome as I only want to learn to be a better writer.

 

Ken B

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  • 1 year later...
  • 5 years later...

I just read Cyclone and enjoyed it immensely.  I would love to read the sequel that I keep seeing mentioned, but I'm not finding it anywhere.  Does anyone have a link to it?

 

P.S.—I'd post this query in the Cyclone 2 thread, but it appears to be locked, for some reason.  Clearly the story exists, because people were posting about reading it.

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5 hours ago, Wizard said:

I cant get the forums to work normally beside recent activity for some unknown reason?

Page navigation is broken. You can't go to Page 1 of this thread by clicking anywhere, for example. The only thing you can do is to change /page/2 to /page/1 in the address box. I think it's time for the site owners to consider a board system that's better than Invision 👀

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