Mark C. Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Then I would just have to "hoof" it into Valana, grin.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 oh they'd hoov yee over there lol Mark C. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 you guys ready for chapter 2 tomorrow? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zergrinch Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Personally, I'd rather use my wardrobe to teleport to fantasy lands A.B 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark C. Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Ready for chapter 2! Ummmm, I suppose you can't give us a sneak peek?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark C. Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 A.B., being ahead in time over here in Europe, (at least me for six months) means we have to wait so long for updates! Not fair, grin.... I'm ready NOW to read chapter 2, grin.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Nah *slaps hand away from cookie jar* have patience young padawan it is only a few more hours :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castle Herald Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Chapter 2 explore at http://www.castleroland.net/library/author/ab Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zergrinch Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Huh. Looks like things are starting to heat up for the ranger/mage and the psion! As always, two chapters is too little to form an overall opinion on the story, although I do have reservations about the big bad being... well.. big and bad and being a generic villain. Maybe he'll be fleshed out more in the future. It's time for Zerg's customary OCD! How do you know that the Nailal aren't hunted here and here you are wandering about like its normal. <-- it's. Also, although "here and here" is perfectly grammatical, may want to change the second here to something else. A very rare spirit that sacrifices it's life force to send someone to and from before it is spent. <-- its. Also, to and from what, exactly? Why would our real parents from this world accept to give us away? <-- agree seems to fit better than accept. 'But what could hide us better than elves? Are they not in all the known Earth myths the masters of elusion and isolation?' he thought to himself as he looked at the fire._ 'Will he come with us on this journey he mentioned? He did say we and not you….'_ <-- Consider who instead of what. Also, remove the underscores. They reached the center of town and he got off. He patted his mare on the sides of his head and heard her whine of pleasure. <-- Consider whine with pleasure He took aim, breathed out and fired. Seconds after, he heard a "stomp" in the distance. The arrow had hit the tree. <-- Usually, the common onomatopoeia in English for arrows hitting trees is thump, thunk, or thud. A stomp normally is used for boots hitting the ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Lol all valid grammatical OCD mistakes but realise I am not native English speaker (and that I need to change editors ) A.B 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Well to fight Olan you must know nothing and comprehend it. (vague spirit enough for ya? ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zergrinch Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Sure, I know you're not a native English speaker, but inasmuch as you are publishing in English, I feel free to mercilessly be OCD And the critique with the spirit isn't the fact that it's vague. It's because you don't have an object in that phrase. I'm expecting to and from "an origin and destination" or something similar. Like I said, obsessive compulsive! A.B 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Sometimes we must overcome our base needs to evolve, especially when they are neurological and psychological :P Or perhaps you'd like me to publish in Greek? Mark C. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zergrinch Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Αυτή είναι η απόφασή σας να κάνετε. Αλλά νομίζω ότι θα μειώσει τον αριθμό των αναγνωστών σας από λίγο! A.B 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 please for the love of all that is good and holy don't google translate!!!!! Butchered it!!!! Zergrinch 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark C. Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Εννοείς αυτό είναι πραγματικά ιταλικά και όχι Έλληνες? Isn't Google translate great?? Big grin... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 lol sigh...what did you guys think of chapter 2? OCD grammar aside! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zergrinch Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 Well, what sort of feedback are you looking for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 It is still early in the story, only two chapters in but, do you like the chars? Setting? How the plot unfolds? etc etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark C. Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 A.B., This is only my one opinion so feel free to discount it... I like the characters but feel a bit 'lost' about Valana. It is early yet so maybe that is your plan, to slowly reveal it to us as we go along. I would have liked the blacksmith, to have sat down with the boys, during eating and maybe fill us and them some more about Valana's history or local area so we don't feel so lost. Wouldn't the boys have been curious about everything and tried to get as much information as possible? A.B 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 yeah the boys feel very cross about that lol but Merol as you may have noticed when he told them about Elandros is not very...talkative... lol he prefers few words. As the chapters come in there's an ever increasing historical, cultural and linguistic references and knowledge on Valana, its' various cities, kingdoms, languages etc etc etc. When I started writing the story I contemplated having Merol sit down with them two and tell them everything but three reasons stopped me from doing that. 1. It would be almost 100% contrary to Merol's character. He is not the type to talk for hours and hours or explain at length. He is more "This is how it is." rather than "that's what happened with those chars, in those dates, because of that reason and so on and on and on and on." This is further shown in future chapters when he has to educate the boys in their abilities, hints and tips are given here and there as his character is developed and expanded upon throughout the story. 2. I thought it would be very boring for the reader to have to go through maybe 10-20 pages of history lesson from the get go so I broke it up into smaller sections along the way to keep the interest there, and make this a fast paced story rather than a slow paced Brave Lake Manor was. But there are stuff here and there along the way with a lot of it when they reach the elven isles then again smaller but constant amounts of it throughout the rest of the story. 3. I don't know if it will happen, maybe it will not, probably not, but I thought that if the story was much liked maybe other readers or authors would/may want to make a universe out of the Chronicles of Valana, and create small or large spin-off stories from it. So I do not want to set very restrictive placeholders and restrain future creativity but rather give what I can of the lore/history/culture/etc while allowing for the possibility that others will pick up on it and with me as a content editor just to make sure that the portrayal of Elves or humans or specific characters is not altered from what I have set/want they can go on and have historical and cultural flexibility within the larger placeholder/universe I have started and create their fantasy story(ies). But mainly the first two reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 Also and finally I thought of it in a "realistic" sort of way...I am a boy I was just transfered in a new land and I am acquiring new abilities and things are changing, I am running for my life from an unseen enemy with unknown abilities, resources and means so whereas I may want to know more of this new land, doing it on the run may not be my first priority. As things calm down I know that this information will be given to me. I thought it more realistic than: Okay I am in a new land an enemy that i know nothing of is hunting me, I have new magical powers but I want you Merol to sit down and tell me all that you know of this new land. Not being sarcastic here in any way just to explain how I thought it. My reasoning my have been wrong but too late to change it for this story. I hope you continue to like it throughout Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Norris Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 I actually like the way the story is unfolding. Tidbits of information, here and there. If I don't remember, then that is on me, not the writer. I'm one of those readers that don't like it when an author gives me everything, all at once. I prefer to 'discover' what is really going on. Too many mystery novels, in the past, perhaps. A.B 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.B Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 hehehe agatha Christie FTW!!! Glad you're liking the story! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark C. Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 A.B., did not necessarily want or need 10-12 pages of history up front, grin... Just a tiny bit more so I can appreciate the situation the boys are in and feel like I am "home" a tiny bit more than I do now. But like Alan, can take the story either way and will enjoy it however you write it. A.B 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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