Prodigy

[prophet]

This is my second submission First through the forums. Here is Chapter 1 of Prodigy. Be brutal, be honest...

 

Prophet

 

 

In some ways Echo was like your typical 16 year old boy. His father worked for a large corporation in Seattle; his mother way a US Attorney in Tacoma. Along with his 12 year old younger brother they all lived in an upscale neighborhood in Tacoma Washington. Echo attended a charter school that catered to performing arts and his little brother, Walter; was working on getting into the charter school for science and engineering.

 

Echo worked after school at a local (non-chain) coffee shop as a barista. When not making coffee he used the stage that was available to sing songs, play music, and just enjoy life. When he was not working on weekends, he had his own personal airplane that he flew around and an older airplane that he was slowly rebuilding.

 

Echo didn't date around for the most part. He was gay and his parents accepted him openly and there were no issues or problems. Quite a few of his classmates were gay so there were opportunities to date and there was no hate or hazing in the school. The town of Tacoma was very gay friendly so there were very few bigots around. Echo didn't date because he just didn't feel like it. He was busy with many things and a love life seemed to be low on his priority.
 

In some ways Echo was not a typical boy as well. Besides his flying, he also had won 7 Grammy awards for songwriting. Last year alone, of the 5 songs that were nominated for song of the year; Echo wrote 4 of them. Echo's monetary worth was more than his parents. Every penny that he had earned, minus what he spent on his airplanes and his Ford Escape SUV was sitting in his account. His parents had accumulated wealth on their own and didn't use his.

 

The Robert's family was as busy as usual on the chilly October morning.

 

“Good morning” Echo said simply as he walked into the kitchen. The five foot nine 125 pound blonde hair blue eyed teenager said. He was dressed in his usual conservative khakis and a sweater for school. He walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup and went to the kitchen table to sit with his father.

 

“Morning Echo. This came for you yesterday in the mail.” His father Charles, stated sliding an envelope over to him.

 

Echo examined the envelope, looked at the return address and slid it to the side.

 

“What is it hun?” his mother, Delores, asked joining the two men at the table.

 

“Probably another royalty check” his equally cute brother said sliding into the last seat at the table.

 

“And here is yours Walter” Charles said handing the youngest an envelope.

 

Walter ripped open the envelope and took out the contents and stared for a moment.

 

“Can I get a ride to the bank this afternoon?” Walter said as his eyes grew larger staring at the check.

 

“I am sure one of us will be able to get you there. If not, take your bike when you get home. Its only a mile or so away” Delores said finishing her coffee and standing up.

 

“So what was your take this week?” Echo asked.

 

“We don't discuss finances in this household.” Charles said in a warning tone to Echo.

 

“No it's OK dad. Echo made a prediction based on sales. It is part of his business class. He is writing a paper and he wanted to see if he was correct.” Walter said matter of factly.

 

“Instead of telling me the number, tell me if I was right or wrong and high or low.” Echo said.

 

“You were wrong. Low by a lot.” Walter said.

 

“Damn. My prediction was 45 thousand. How much was I off by?”

 

“Thirty thousand. Guess you have to go back to the drawing board.” Walter smiled.

 

The family left the house at their usual times. Echo was the last to leave so he locked up, turned the alarm on and started his day. The drive to school was short, taking only 15 minutes. He was always one of the first students to show up at the school and he usually went into the recording studio. Although no one knew, Echo was the primary sponsor to the school. Before he made his money and supplied the school with a healthy cash flow to upgrade the equipment a large corporation supplied the funds as a tax break. The school was completely state of the art. Courses were offered in graphic design, theater, stage production, music, drama, choir, poetry, art, and every other creative art you could think of. The teachers were all excellent in their fields, some coming from rock and roll, some from Broadway, some from Hollywood, and all over the world in their respective fields. Echo was taught the basic core curriculum of math, science, English and history; however he was also also enrolled in classes that were tailored for a career in performing arts. Subjects on royalties, contracts, agents, and everything else that will be needed to be ahead in the career. Many of the students went on to careers in the performing arts, and many also went on to be doctors and lawyers and other professions. The school had one of the highest averages in the state for successful graduates.

 

Echo was in the recording studio working on his master tapes for a few songs when his best friend came in. Max Sterling was a short boy of only 5 feet 6. He has jet black hair, half asian, half white, green eyes and has a natural affinity for graphic design and computers. He was a junior like Echo is; however he already had a full ride academic scholarship to the University of Washington when he graduated high school. His parents weren't as affluent as Echo's but they lived comfortably. Echo and Max had been best friends for years. Both sets of parents knew they would eventually start dating each other and probably get married to each other.

 

“What's up buttercup?” Max asked as Echo pulled off his headphones.

 

“Nothing at all. Just putting the finishing touches on the latest masters. Well until I listen to them again and change things around once more.” Echo said smiling at his friend.

 

“You should buy me a coffee from next door before class begins.” Max said straining his voice.

 

“I think I should.” Echo said as the boys exited the school.

 

After their coffees were in hand they strolled around the area watching the city slowly come to life.

 

“My dad and I had it out again last night.” Max finally said.

 

“What about this time?”

 

“I can't live up to his expectations. None of the choices I am making are what he wants. He had this grand plan for me and I just can't do anything right. He disapproves and thinks I am wasting my time by focusing on design and marketing instead of following his footsteps into computer engineering.”

 

“Max, you have to be your own man. The man I know you are. The man that means the world to me. Your dad will have to accept you for who you are or lose you in the process. Please don't lose yourself over this.”

 

“I wont, Echo. I promise. Its just, ugh. Irritating you know.”

 

“I know. Let's head to class. Are you coming with me after school today?”
 

“Nope, I am headed home to work on my project for the showcase. Get the outline done at least.”

 

“Crap. When is the showcase again?”

 

“The Wednesday before Thanksgiving.”

 

“Double crap. I am supposed to be over in Chelean that week. My parents are doing thanksgiving on the other side of the mountains this year.”

 

After school, Echo drove the few minutes to his job. The Art House was a warehouse sitting on the banks of the Puget Sound. The owners of the building turned it into a coffee shop, wine bar, cheese shop and studio space for the local artists. Painters and potters could rent spaces and work on their crafts, there was a stage set up for live music to be played. Echo was in charge of serving the coffee and managing the afternoon bands that wanted to play. Several famous musicians were said to have been discovered in the Art House but no one believed that to be the case. However the place was always packed.

 

Echo started his shift at 3 and left work promptly at 730. There was no time that day for him to sit in with some of the bands. He usually played one of the various instruments that were lying around. Keyboards, guitars, drums, or anything else. He was a true prodigy. He could play every instrument that existed and could pick up any song after hearing it once. He didn't always remember the lyrics but the music he knew every note. Occasionally he would rearrange the music unasked by the bands and most were good sports about it. They took his feedback and corrections and implemented them for future sessions.

 

Echo arrived at his home and dinner was ready. The family sat down for dinner and chatted about their days. His mother or father always cooked dinner for the family and they always sat down as a family to eat. It was one of the traditions the family held dear to them.

 

After dinner, his father and mother would go to the living room and watch television for a while and have their adult conversations. Walter usually went to his room to work on his latest project or play a computer game. Echo went to his office on the first floor of the home and did homework. That evening as he was at his computer, Skype started going off indicating a call was incoming.

 

“Echo Productions, how may I direct your call” Echo said smiling at the twenty something man on the other end of the video call.
 

“Cute Echo. Do you have a few minutes?” The charming guy asked.

 

“Sure Darren. What's up?”

 

Darren Jeffries was Echo's agent/manager/public face for his songwriting business. He had graduated from the same high school that Echo had gone to. Echo used the alumni connection to get his first break in the business. Darren took Echo's music to the industry executives in Los Angeles and Nashville and represented Echo. Darren went from a low level talent scout to one of the richest and most successful publishing agents in the world. It was Darren's face that accepted all of the awards on Echo's behalf. He was instrumental in keeping Echo's identity a closely guarded secret.

 

“Well I need a pay raise.” Darren smiled slyly.

 

“Nope not going to happen.” Echo said firmly. This was the usual routine between the two men.

 

“Well fine. Then I quit.” Darren replied.

 

“Great, send me the tickets for this year's ASCAP Ball then.”

 

“Fine I will stay employed to the slave driver. Any-who the reason I called is that you have once again been requested to co-write with some artists. I already told them no; but I still am required to ask you.”

 

“Thanks for giving me the opportunity, but nope. Not until I am 18.” Echo said with finality.

 

“Yeah that's what I figured. There is another interesting opportunity for you though if you are interested. What do you think about movie soundtracks? There has been a request for a song to fit in with a movie that is being made. They have offered to send you the script and allow you to visit the set of the movie so you can see what is going on before you decide.”

 

“What movie?”

 

“Um, Twilight Breaking Dawn. You will be able to catch the filming of a few scenes in Vancouver in a few weeks if you are up for it.”

 

“I will pass on watching the filming, thanks though. Send me over the script and non disclosure agreement and I will sign them. I am sure that they will not allow me to have a real copy of the script so the highlights will work. I think I know the basics of it though. Girl falls for vampire, cheats on him with werewolf, goes back to vampire, werewolf falls in love with girl, yada yada yada, marriage, vampire human hybrid kid, et cetera et cetera right?”

 

“You got it kid. Oh, just so you know the stockpile of songs here is getting pretty thin. I have sold most of them. You will get the contracts in the mail hopefully tomorrow. There are about twenty. So make sure you look at them and send them back to me by Monday of next week.”

“No problem. I have more masters to send to you as well. It's me singing of course, which I hate; but whatever pays the bills right. Maybe I should get some of my friends to sing for me. Pay them a studio session musician fee. See if we can get them some exposure. What do you think?”

 

“I don't rep or try and get artists signed so that might be an issue. If you find some good songs for them, have them record and then I will put you in touch with an artist rep. You probably won't be able to sell the songs, but they might get signed as artists if we make it an all or nothing deal. Meaning the song goes with the artist for the artist. I will check it out and get back to you for how we can get this done.”

 

“Sweet. Any other business? It's almost 10 and I need my beauty sleep.”

 

“There isn't enough time on the clock for that to happen my friend. Have a good night.”

 

Echo sighed and leaned back into his chair, reclining. He closed his eyes briefly and thought about the books that he read and loved. After a few moments he reached into his backpack and brought out his leather bound journal. The journal was given to him by Max years ago. The paper on the inside had been switched many times but the covering remained. This was the place where Echo wrote the lyrics and melodies to all of his songs. The journal never left his side. There was one time where Echo had to sing a song over and over in his head while his family was swimming at the lake until he could get back to his journal. His mom had tried to hand him one of her legal pads so he could write everything down but he flatly refused. His songs would forever and always go into Max's journal.

 

An hour later, Echo left his office and went to his bedroom. Sleep came peacefully to him as his thoughts and dreams went toward Max.

 

On Wednesday at dinner the family discussed their plans for the weekend.

 

“Echo, what are your plans this weekend?” his father asked.

 

“Well the parts for the Duck aren't in yet. They are due in next week. Saturday I want to take Kitt on a little jaunt up north. Have breakfast in Canada and then back here by lunch. I have some work to get caught up on, contracts and things like that. Sunday is Seahawks day so you know where I will be for that one. I would like to talk to you about next weekend though if you have the time.” Echo said looking at both his parents for the last sentence.

 

Echo continued after they nodded their affirmation. “If the parts are in to San Diego early enough they can ship them for a Friday afternoon delivery. So I would need to take off from school for a few hours at the end of the day to receive them. However my preference is to fly down to San Diego Friday night or Saturday morning and pick the parts up myself. Well most of them anyway. There is also an airshow featuring a few of the Duck's sister's that would be neat to check out.”

 

“Would you be doing this flight solo?” dad asked.

 

“Yes I would. I would need your help with a hotel, because most of the time I am not allowed to check in by myself.”

 

“Are you ready for that long of a trip?” mom asked.

 

“I am. Kitt's guidance system tells me it will take 7 hours to get there. So I am going to plan on 8. I think I will be fine. I have logged multiple 10 hour flights in the simulator so I know I can be awake and handle it. This will also make Kitt on the threshold so I can get him serviced and partially winterized when I come back.”

 

“Your father and I will discuss it and let you know. Are you taking anyone with you this weekend?”

 

“I was hoping Walter wanted to go to breakfast on Saturday. If not then I am sure I can find someone.”

 

“I am in big brother. Just you and me?” Walter asked excitedly.

 

“Just you and me kid. Make sure you find your passport. Mom we will need another letter.” Echo smiled at his mom.

 

“No problem sweetie. Are you preferring Vancouver or Victoria?”

 

“Vancouver. Victoria is going to be packed. I don't like landing Kitt in the airport either. I will wait for the Duck to be ready and land her at the docks, the way the island is supposed to be enjoyed.”

 

“How long until the Duck will be ready do you think?” Dad asked.

 

“Honestly, with these parts I would say another month of installing them. Then I need a pilot to certify her. That's part of the reason for San Diego. One of the pilots is on the short list for certifying her. I want to look at his plane and how he flies before I ask him to check her out. Once she is deemed airworthy, I will get the interior finished and then I will get a check ride and finally we will be ready for the maiden flight. So if all goes to plan, probably three months or so.”

​

[ken barber]

Prophet,

 

Your first statement is Echo is a typical 16 year old boy but then you go to how he is from and upscale neighborhood and goes to a charter school and flies and rebuilds planes for a hobby. These are not typical of a 16 year old. That first statement seems to be a dramatic contrast the the rest of the paragraph

 

I am interested in seeing where this goes.

[Steve T.]

I can see Ken's point, but I think it would be easily fixed.  If you were to take the sentence that starts with, "When he was not working on weekends, he had his own..." and moved it so that it became the second sentence of the fourth paragraph, I think it would work and would address Ken's point.  I would also add "upper middle class" in the first sentence.  It would then read like:

 

In some ways Echo was like your typical, upper middle-class 16 year old boy. His father worked for a large corporation in Seattle; his mother was a US Attorney in Tacoma. Along with his 12 year old younger brother they all lived in an upscale neighborhood in Tacoma Washington. Echo attended a charter school that catered to performing arts and his little brother, Walter, was working on getting into the charter school for science and engineering.

 

Echo worked after school at a local (non-chain) coffee shop as a barista. When not making coffee he used the stage that was available to sing songs, play music, and just enjoy life.

 

Echo didn't date around for the most part. He was gay and his parents accepted him openly and there were no issues or problems. Quite a few of his classmates were gay so there were opportunities to date and there was no hate or hazing in the school. The town of Tacoma was very gay friendly so there were very few bigots around. Echo didn't date because he just didn't feel like it. He was busy with many things and a love life seemed to be low on his priority.
 

In other ways Echo was not a typical boy at all. When he was not working on weekends, he had his own personal airplane that he flew around and an older airplane that he was slowly rebuilding.  Besides his flying, he also had won 7 Grammy awards for songwriting. Last year alone, of the 5 songs that were nominated for song of the year; Echo had written 4 of them. Echo's monetary worth was more than his parents. Every penny that he had earned, minus what he spent on his airplanes and his Ford Escape SUV was sitting in his account. His parents had accumulated wealth on their own and didn't use his.

 

The only other thing that I noticed was that you didn't really address how or why Walter was getting a royalty check.  You mention him trying to get into the charter school for engineering and science, but there's no real mention of how he would be earning this money.

 

I think it's a good start and I'd like to see where you go with it.

[denis_p]

Prophet,

 

Your first statement is Echo is a typical 16 year old boy but then you go to how he is from and upscale neighborhood and goes to a charter school and flies and rebuilds planes for a hobby. These are not typical of a 16 year old. That first statement seems to be a dramatic contrast the the rest of the paragraph

 

I am interested in seeing where this goes.

 

Ken,

 

1. "You don't have to be a particular age before you can begin to take flying lessons. That said, however, you do have to be at least 16 years old before you can solo an airplane (14 years old for operation of a balloon or glider), and 17 before you can be issued a pilot certificate."

[ken barber]

Denis that was never a question but a 16 year old flying and owning planes is not typical.  I didn't say its not possible, my issue is with the phrase echo was a typical 16 year old boy when in fact this entire post explains how atypical echo is. nothing in here says typical. 

 

typical 16 year old boy's moms are not us Attorneys, they don't have secret lives as a Grammy award winning song writer. They date chronically and think sexually and romantically non stop.

They don't have more money than their parents, the don't fly planes and rebuild them, they don't have stand by boyfriends waiting for them to decide when its time for them to be together.

 

As a matter of fact (no offense Prophet) but this entire intro is a laundry list of why Echo is anything but typical. 

 

I am interested in seeing where prophet goes with the story but with this posted piece there is very little plot. There is no conflict, no action, no drama, no intrigue. There is the explanation of why echo is a Prodigy which explains the title. But I would remove the line " In some ways Echo was like your typical 16 year old boy " because Echo is in no way a typical 16 year old boy

[JoeWriterMan]

Serf, I like how your story has gotten off the ground.  It has my attention and do look forward to reading more.

 

Actually, I do indeed find your lead in sentence to be apropos 'In some ways Echo was like your typical 16 year old boy.'  You tell the readers that he is a barista.  This is one way he is 'typical' meaning the type of work a 16 year old may do.  In all other respects, though, as the story continues, he is anything but 'typical'.  I mean what 16 year old has amassed a fortune unto his own right?

Anyway, I see fairly good 'Echo' character development.  I'd like to see him developed even more fairly soon.  He definitely has a story to tell.  So tell it! :-).

 

PS - The authors around the Forum know I am a huge stickler for character development!  Yes!!!  And, they are clear that I tell a story through my characters not through events where characters just happen to be!  (I had to throw this in for posterity sake!).

 

Have a good one.

 

Joe Writer Man

[larkin]

Oh Prophet, why are they tearing you apart, it's fiction, isn't it?  In fiction, you can do anything you want. They are right about one thing though, If the reader doesn't believe it you will lose them and then you will be the only one to appreciate your story.. 

I have been reading a number of stories here, maybe this one included that are void of conflict.  Conflict is essential to make a story interesting.  A character that is beautiful and perfect and has wondrous toys and everything is going great isn't very interesting. If anything you might hate him for all his privilege.  When something comes along to fuck-up his life, that's when you care about him and root for him to get out of trouble. 

Rich and famous,..boring... loses all his money and suddenly has to adjust to working a Pizzahut, That might be interesting because it suddenly becomes about someone who has only himself and must find a new way.

The story turns out to be the hardest part..However, I think you are doing fine.